A lot of times while talking about my Faith, people tend to want to hear some facts that can prove that what I believe in is real. That it is truth, it is unshakably honest, and without a doubt the one and only way. Well, I'm sorry. Most of the things I talk about are experiences and happenings that I cannot explain in a way that would make sense to Anyone who wants a materialistic fact.

I talk about some stories like the time I was called into a prayer circle of teenagers at the church I attended in Georgia. A young girl about 16 years old had been starving herself for around two weeks. Under the impression she was fat and disgusting and nobody, not even the boy she was going with, looked at her with an approving eye. This young girl shook uncontrollably as if she was trembling in fear. But she wasn't. She shook because she was ill, and to top it off she was cold to the touch. Cold to the touch inside a warehouse with no ac in the middle of summer in the south. I lead a prayer along with the pastors wife, and three of her close friends. I asked my God to take away the lies she had been told about her vanity, to comfort her and show her she was beautiful, regardless of what anyone else may think or say, that He loved her no matter what. I prayed that her health be restored, and her strength be regained. I prayed for a few more personal things at the request of her friends. This girl, removed her sweater while we were praying for her because she had begun to sweat. Her trembling relaxed and she stood still and calm. She cried. Not sadness this time, but joy. She was beginning to experience God''s love though those around her.

I use other smaller examples of prayer. The time I prayed over a little girl I once knew. She was torn up with the flu. So stuffed up and congested she could barely breath through her nose. She sneezed frequently. She was pale and sleepy and without energy for a few days. When she went to bed that night, I prayed to my God, I asked that he recognize her as his daughter and take the sickness away. She was a toddler. This sickness came out of nowhere in a season that was not a sick season. Little children should not have to suffer through that type of illness. The next day, she woke up with more energy than ever. Full of color, and smiles, and no trace of sleepiness. Sickness gone in hours with no medicines.

There is a long, long winded story I tell to some people. But I keep a lot of it to myself due to the fact that it involves demon spirits, angels, prayer in the spiritual language and a good friend of mine who at that time could visually see what it was we were fighting against while we fought it.

They all sound crazy to the unbeliever, the curious and even sometimes the ones who say they are faith filled. They will say, sickness was a mere twenty four hour bug. The starving girl just needed her mind to be calmed down with some kind words. Then the spiritual warfare story is just me making up something entertaining, or that I forgot to put in the part about drinking or drugs, (that were no where to be found in the house, let alone the story.)

So I tell them one of my favorite examples of how my Lord works. It's a story of a woman I met years ago. She was an awesome lady. Married for more years than most people can fathom. Over fifty years of marriage and devotion to her family and her husband. She was a mother to her kids, and her kid's kids. Hard edges, straight shooter and full of love. Her curse in this story, she was a smoker. From a young age she had taken up cigarettes. Over the years she made attempts to quit but only picked it up later down the line. The years of smoking did a number on her lungs and the behavior finally caught up with her. This is where this story picks up.

Early one morning around seven a.m. she called out from her room to her grandson, who happen to come in town a few weeks before, but he did not hear. As she struggled to breath, she called to him again but still went unnoticed. So she grabs the mask on her nebulizer machine and turns it up high to try and get some oxygen. After a few minutes she calls to her grandson again. This time, he hears her and comes into her room. "Call an ambulance, I can't breath," she says to him.

When the ambulance arrived, they came in and got her on board and carried her to the cart waiting in the living room. Later they said at pick up, she was only working nineteen percent oxygen in her blood supply. Levels low enough to cause her pass out, and close to death. The ambulance drove away and her grandson followed. After a few hours they had her conscious and stable. Hooked up to heart monitor, breathing machines, feeding tubes, and pain medicine, she was in a rough state. Later that day and for the next few days her family would come a visit her.

Midway through the week her grandson came back to see her. As he walked in her room he paused. Later mentioning how it was tough to see his grandma in that shape. Laid up in a bed, hooked to feeding tubes, oxygen lines and monitors. He went in the room and spent some time with her. They spoke through a note pad and pen. Because of the tubes in her thought, it was tough to understand what she was saying. After some conversation, he began to watch tv with her. He recalled The Price is Right being on. Classic midday tv. As they sat there he began to remembered a conversation a few months prior, when his grandma was telling him about the Jesus candle she had on her nightstand. When he pointed to it one day, she told him, "I enjoy reading them, it gives me hope." So he picked up he pen and began to write for a while.

After about a half hour of writing, he told his grandma he had to go. He had work. But before he left, he took a few minutes to explain the note he wrote to her. He told her that Jesus loves her. That God did not enjoy seeing her as sick as she was, that He was there with her even if she may not have noticed it. He continued to tell her that he remembered their conversation about the candle prayer, and that he wrote a prayer for her. But there was a slight difference.

"This prayer I wrote you," he said, " this is a prayer of forgiveness. Both asking and giving. I wrote it for you because I know you liked the candle ones. But if you read this one, I would like you to read it with your heart and not just your words."

He placed the note sheet on her lunch tray and said goodbye. Kissed her and hugged her and left to head to work. He didn't get to go back to the hospital again that week.

Now before I finish this story, and why I believe it to be a great testimony to my Fathers love for all of us, I need to share something from my story: This is about MY grandmother. I AM the grandson in tis story. This story took place two weeks after I had just moved back to my parents place following my life Georgia.

I have told this story a handful of people, and the reason It took a bit to share it openly, is because I wanted to be all in on the story. I didn't want to tell a story for the sake of sadness, or grief, or anything like that. But after telling it again to a few people recently, I realized I wanted to share it. Also, this story is as accurate as I recall it. And the details of the end are based on what I was told by my family.

After giving the prayer to my grandmother and saying goodbye, I left for work. I worked about an hour and a half away, and I promise you I cried for about half the trip. I was so sad to see my gramma in that state. She was like a super hero to me.

I didn't get to see her awake after that day. She passed away that weekend. I was told that some time during the night she was doing something and passed out, and didn't come back. But that's not what makes me share this story. The reason I share this story is the part I will talk about now.

Although I do not remember the exact words on the paper I gave my gramma, I can give a round about to the prayer I asked her to read. I wrote that Jesus loved her, and He wanted to be there to help her. To make her well and live again. I asked her to read these words with her heart; "God I am here. I am sorry for forgetting about you. I am sorry for living my life without you. Please forgive me. I am sorry for all that I have done without you. Please be a part of my life now and take me in to yours. Heal my heart and make me new." Then I said, if she believed these words and this prayer, to reread it with her heart. Let it be her confession.

I think it was two days after I had visited my gramma, when my mom called me at work with some news. I answered the phone and mom asked if I was able to go see her again. I told her no, but I was going too when my other brother got in town. She asked if I had known about the DNR papers gramma had signed for herself after my grampa passed. I told her I did not. She then began to tell me that I would have to go to her new room to visit. They moved her into her own room the night before. She had some breakfast earlier, and had been up and walking, and when they got to her room she had just finished eating her lunch and was picking out what she wanted for dinner. There were certain times I could go so I had to fix my schedule. All the while, I had a huge involuntary grin on my face. I had to have looked like an oddball to anyone who walked in the doors. My gramma was UP, on her feet and WALKING on her own. She ATE breakfast and lunch, and was picking our her dinner.

She ate without feeding tubes. She was walking and not laying in bed, stuck. She was out of the ER area and in her own room. Now I may sound like a nut, but how does a woman go from being hooked up to monitors, feeding tubes, oxygen and bed ridden one day, to walking down to her own room, eating and breathing on her own without machines, almost overnight? There may be a medical reason. There may be some details that were not all there or not told to me. But as far as I know, that is what was told to me by my mom and my dad, who both had been to see her those last days I hadn't.

I use this story now as part of my testimony about Christ. It's the unexplainable, and the experiences that tell His story. Not the facts and the proven details. I think too many people are chasing the facts. Wanting hard evidence over experience. Maybe because if we have an experience, we become accountable for what we do afterwards?

"Show me the scars, and let me put my finger in them," says Thomas.
Jesus told his followers, "You believe because you have seen, but there will be many who will have not seen and yet believe. They have true faith."

There are so many things about this life that are beautiful and magnificent proofs of creation. The works of an artist and a designer. There are more and more evidences surfacing, showing facts and proofs of the stories documented in the bible. But it is the experiences in things that helps us to believe what it is we are told.

Someone told me God loves me. Jesus was His son, the savior and the gateway to heaven. The Spirit of God would be my truth and my guide, my direct connection to my creator. Awakened in me when I testified my belief in Him and His son's resurrection from death as we knew it. For the longest time, I didn't really get it, I didn't believe, I didn't care. But then came a time when I needed more. Something or someone that could fulfill the needs. So I tried. I took a chance and looked to experience what everyone had told me about God, Jesus, the Spirit, the Bible.

I truly believe, that through that first decision made to find and experience God for who he truly is, and not what people tell me he is, has lead me to be able to say; When I get to Heaven, I will be able to hug my Grandmother!

Look for an experience. Be open to it. Pray. And be mindful of what you pray about. Be on the lookout for God to answer. Through His love and Grace . . . .


Heart Attack

I cannot say I have met a lot of people in my life. Although I feel I have met a lot, most of those I have met I may not know to be true to the character they are. Of all the people and characters I have met I cannot say anyone has had a more true heart than the one person I adore most. It is currently 11pm on a Saturday night. Most people are out and about with friends right now having a good time. Or they are sleeping because they have work in the morning, or have church to go too. Technically the one I am about to talk to you about has both of them tomorrow.

I am relaxing on the couch watching an independent documentary on Wayne White. Look him up if your curious and do not know, cause this is not about him. But in the film, there was this ever present feeling of heart. The man loved what he did and did what he loved. All of which came naturally. That is living! He was an artist. Period. When the film ends, I begin to ponder what is currently going on. Selfishly I look at myself and get frustrated with the kind of agitation only artists and musicians can understand. The conflict between wanting to be out there producing and succeeding, and the struggle to stop being procrastinating and down on yourself with no real hope of your success. As this rattles around in my mind, I stop and begin to realize how blessed I am.

My son is currently sleeping. Peacefully he is in bed dreaming and having fun in whatever play land it is that God himself provides vision too. I look to my left and my right and I see my three dogs, also sleeping. The only one who is not here is my wife. She has been out for a few hours now on a mission. I don't mean a mission, like a vendetta or a have to do this, I mean a mission of the heart.

I assist my wife in running a education and advocacy group for pit bull dogs. We also rescue and foster as well. She is the brains and the educator in the overall project. For the last 15-20 years, she has devoted almost everyday of her life to helping and being around animals. Although the majority of them have been dogs, she has also spent a lot of time with birds, horses, cats, and the occasional exotic. Over the years she has clocked in countless hours of veterinary technician work and assistance, behavioral and obedience training, k9 police protection and search and rescue training, grooming for dogs and horse, cart racing and training with horses, canine good citizen and therapy dog work, companion animal training, and not to mention the all of the outlets she has used to help teach and train others. The stories she can tell about it all will entertain our grandchildren for days and days when we get older. For me, she has the most heart of anyone I have ever met so far in this life, and it continue to grows daily.

As I finish that paragraph, she returns home and fills me in on everything that had went on tonight while she was out on a call about a dog. Here it is late night on a Saturday, and she is still doing what comes natural to her. Loving these dogs.

This write up is about her. She is a motivation for me. She is a focus for me. She influences me daily and has influenced me over the past few years in some major ways. She will push you and challenge you to step up or step forward, because she cares. I have watched her answer texts and phone calls about animal questions at all hours of the day. Answering emails for weeks on end with the same people, asking the same questions, until they finally understand what it is she is teaching them. I have watched her do some amazing things with animals. I have seen the repercussions of her work through others who follow her. Humbly she accepts thanks, although a lot of times she fights it. For her the best thank you that you can provide would be doing what it is she has taught or showed you. Then pass it on to others who can use it as well. She loves what she does, because she does what she loves.

It has it's trials. It has it's ups and downs. There is a lot of pressure, pain, tension, stress, time, money, words, actions and soul, poured in day after day with what she does. It gets really hard sometimes for her to continue. I have been here for her many a times in the last few years when she has wanted to just stop it all and quit. I wouldn't blame her either. She has been non stop almost every day for two decades! What have you done that long? What have I done that long? She has done the above with an overflowing heart. Because of that, she knows she could never really quit. Every now and them she receives a message from someone, (sometimes from half way around the globe) that helps boost her up. People thanking her for doing what she does, and showing others how to do it. Being there for them when they have questions. Being there when they need help. Both personally and with their animals.

The most amazing part about this too, for the last four years, she has done it all while being a stay at home mom. That in itself (especially with our boy) is no easy task. He adds up to all three of our dogs and then some. But she does it. Full on, full time, full heart.

She loves God, she loves her family, she loves her animals. She loves Life! For all she has done, she is nothing short of amazing, and I blessed to have her as my wife. No matter how hard it gets, or how awesome things are, her heart is solid, and it is strong, and it will go until our father takes her home. I can bet your life will change when you get to experience it.


The Garden

There is always a new feeling when the year starts over again. This year I can't help but begin to visually notice the destruction of the garden around us. Through the things I see with my own eyes, too the things I watch and read about online and in books or magazines. Different conservation groups engaged in literal war-zones. Activist being arrested for releasing caged and tortured animals. Freedom fighters engaged in battles of government and rebel armies over trafficking and slavery. Well builders in countries oppressed in war and without clean drinking water. Movements arising all over the planet for specific causes and purpose. It is a new generation of people starting to take the roles of leaders and go getters, and if they are interrupted or forced to move, they challenge that authority and force them to give them the answer to their question, "Why?"

The last few weeks of December 2012 and now into January 2013, I have been watching back episodes of Whale Wars. For those who may not know what that is, I will do a quick run down. Whale Wars is a show on Animal Planet that involves the Conservation Group, " The Sea Shepherds." Lead by Paul Watson, former founder of GreenPeace, who was dismissed from the organization for being to aggressive in his actions. He then started Sea Shepherds, and with his volunteer crews, they wage war against people and country who bend or break the laws of international sea fishing, whaling, shark hunting, and other forms of arctic wildlife exploitation.

As I continue to watch what it is this organization is doing, I cannot help and think to myself how amazing these people are. They are literally risking their lives in dangerous conditions and with no law or military back up. They aim to directly interfere with hostile forces. As I watch each episode, my insides get shaken up, and I feel like I am experiencing the same emotions that the crew is feeling at that time. It is a very odd emotional thing that happens, and I am not even there with them.

Back a few months ago I watched the movie "Bold Native." A fictional film based on real life activists. Groups of people who are taking up actions against animal testing, factory farming and fur trade operations to name a few. I am sure the is a lot of other things they compete with as well. Again, these individuals risk life, for the liberations of the animals who are involuntarily being treated with disrespect and emotionless torture. All for the sake a human consumption and greed.

Both the Sea Shepherds and the animal liberation groups that fueled Bold Native are considered terrorists by national governments. As well as Federal and International Governments. Threatened with charges of Piracy and Illegal interference of research and studies, the Sea Shepherds continue to press on and get in the face of the enemy. In the same regards, the Animal Liberation groups world wide are also tried as Terrorists. Not a minor charge. Terrorist as in 9/11 events style Terrorism. If caught in their actions and proven guilty of property damage or interference of whatever they interfere with, Activist face Federal Prison sentencing. For an act as small as trespassing and cage opening at a Mink Fur Farm, one activist couple I read about received 5 years Federal Prison. Still, after these threats and official crackdowns, these Activists put themselves in the face of he enemy.

I also follow other advocacy and activist websites online that challenge those who are willing to join the fight. Wether through petitioning, protesting, or physical involvement in legal grey area activities. These are organizations that are stepping to the front lines and challenging the "Traditional" ways of doing thing. They are backed by years of studies both medical and analytical, and they use these findings as fuel for their campaigns.

I do not only follow animal activist though. I try my best to follow and get involved in many human related issues. On a spectrum that ranges from Vegetarianism/Veganism to Fatherless Generation issues, Abortion, Environmental Conservation, Sex Trafficking, Child Labor Exploitation, and Child Soldiers. I also follow a few companies such as Tom's Shoes, EatArt, and WeWood, who use their business to help the less fortunate receive goods they need. Be it food, clothing, shoes or medical.

For me, all of these groups and companies are serving an exact purpose. Wether we agree or disagree with their practice, or the way they do what they do, the point is that they are getting it done. I for one am for it. To the best of my understanding, the majority of the activist and conservationist groups are doing what they can to maintain the non-violent action towards humans that oppose their efforts. But this by no means makes them backdown if and when confrontation arises. They do defend themselves when threatened with their lives and the lives of others. They are, most of the time, in war-zones and hostile environments.

Before I started writing this entry, I can not help but have his thought that has been in my mind for a while now. It started after reading a book I recently purchased titled "Date Your Wife." A rather interesting view on marriage and how to keep it up and running at full steam and keep it successful. The author starts the book out by telling the story of Adam and Eve when they were still called Man and Woman. We all know how the story of their meeting goes. But the author meditates and dissects the story a bit further.

God creates the world. Night and Day, Sun and Moon, Land and Sea, Desserts and Forrest, Plants and Animals. Then in the final phase of creation, God creates Man in the likeness of Himself and the Angels. After he creates man, He places him in the Garden. Then He tells the man to cultivate the land and be sure it flourishes. Then while doing these tasks, God notices man becomes tired and instructs him to find himself a helper among the creatures of the land. During this time of creation there was no strife between man and beast. The strife came from a curse later in the story. But during his search for a helper, man found nothing suitable for his needs. So God put the man to sleep and formed woman from his rib.

The reason I talk about this story and how it all comes together with what I wrote above is this; God formed man in the final stages of creation. First He constructed the planet, the lands, the waters, the vegetation, the beasts, the birds, and the things below the surfaces. THEN He created man. There was no strife among any living creature. So God told the man to "Cultivate the Garden, make sure that it flourishes." Man's only assignment was to make sure the creation that he was placed in stayed healthy and continued to produce good things.

Fast forward to present day, and take a real precise and accurate look at the garden now. Do it with open eyes. If you take the time and energy to do this you too will see the disarray and dysfunction that is taking place. On both the local and international plains, Man has put himself in the position of God. Man makes decisions without regard to cultivation or the benefit of life, he makes the decision based on profits, power and position. Where we were once blessed to be in position of Dominion, we have now made a cursed and greedy position. We have made "Dominion" a control position instead of an in charge position. Plagued by years of "Tradition" and the mindsets of "That's how our ancestors did it." The sad news for eyes like this is that WE ARE NOT OUR ANCESTORS. We have become more educated and more experienced in our endeavors. We have the knowledge of what is good and what is un-beneficial to all life forms.

People like the Sea Shepherds and the Animal Liberation Groups understand that man's greed and perverse vision of dominion is destroying our home. We are depleting our natural resources as well as our environment for he sake of money and power. Activist groups evolved in Trafficking and Slavery groups understand that the exploitation of humans is counteractive to the progression and harmony of creation. There are a million groups and companies that could be named, all of them flying both under the radar and in the international eye. All of them getting right up in the face of the enemy.

But who is the enemy? The answer; YOU, ME, and everyone else who partakes in the destruction of the Garden.

With the understanding of funding issues, and society placements, I know not everyone can make a grand scale impact on the cultivation process. But everything that has major purpose, STARTS as a small and simple action. Then snowballs into routine and habitual actions, and with enough motivation and support it becomes a Movement!

Take a few moments after reading this if you will, put the computer or digital devise down, and just look around. Look out your window, stand on your porch, or in your front yard. Really LOOK. The things you see around you, THIS is your Garden. Wether city, country or suburbs, You live in the Garden. You are blessed to have this creation in the state it is in. It could be worse! It can always be worse! But the reason it is not, is because their are people you do not know, people you may never meet or see in real life, people who will never see media attention in a positive light, if at all. There are brothers and sisters putting their lives on the line, LITERALLY, to keep the balance in the Garden.

When you are done really seeing what is around you, take some time to seek out ways you can help the Cultivation Process. Conscious decisions like paper instead of plastic. Recycled instead of New. Consume less. Turn down the heat and put on more layers. Donate all your unused items to ministries like Salvation Army, Good Will, and other more minor ones. Walk, ride a bike, or use some skates to get around your local areas instead of driving (weather permitting.)

My personal challenge to the readers, seriously look into Vegetarianism or Veganism. There is nothing but beneficial repercussions all across the board when you make this decision. These decision help you both health wise and living wise. It benefits the environment, it lowers the amount of deaths in he animal kingdom, it destroys diseases, it cuts back on waste and trash. It is all part of the Garden and it's cultivation. It takes effort, and it takes conscious decision making. But the benefits outweigh any reason you can make to say no.

On a heavier note, if you consider yourself a Christian, or a follower of Christ, or however you want to say it, I believe it is our duty to be Vegetarian/Vegan. When you read the text, There was no call for the eating of animals. All animals and beings lived in harmony and were told to eat of the trees and plants and grains. It wasn't until the flood subsided that God "aloud" man to eat animals. But with this allowance came a curse. God placed strife between man and beast, and if man was going to eat them, he was REQUIRED to give an account (acceptable reason) for the lifeblood he took. Usually this was applied to animals used for Sacrifice of Sin or Celebration and Feasts. So unless you personally collect the meat and fish you feed your family with, (and I do not mean from the market) there is no reason to partake in the eating of animals and marine life. Look into it, the book of Genesis, it is in the text.

2013, a time for awareness, a time for cultivation. Be part of the change, and watch where it can take you.


The smile of a Father

This past Saturday, my lady an I finalized the progress of commitment to one another and we became married! I cannot begin to describe the roller coaster of emotion involved in the process. Between the food, the clothes, the invites, the decorations, the timeline, phone calls, emails, and the like. Side note too, We catered ninety percent of it, and decorated almost all of it ourselves. So ya, stress!

But everything went over so well. So awesome too! I was never once nervous about the fact of being married. I was very excited for that. I have no problem being in front of people either so there was no real stress there. My two biggest worries were in this order; 1.) Make sure the Bride is happy, excited, and stress free, 2.) Do not screw up the Pumpkin Pasta. That was the headliner in the three main dishes, and it was a modified recipe my lady designed and I was bulk making it for an estimated one hundred people. Plus I made a side order specifically for a friend of mine who is allergic to onions. But I wanted him to eat some, so I batched it!

Once it all went down, it went smooth, clean, no stress, no fights, and everyone loved the food. They Loved my bride! They enjoyed the music, the drinking, the atmosphere. It was a success!

But I am not writing so much to recap what most of my readers will already know or soon know about our wedding. I am actually wanting to write about the goodness of God! Now of all the things I could relate to God through weddings and marriage, I am going to dodge really. I am actually wanting to just write about this conversation I had with my dad while we stood in the back of the festivities and talked.

It was about an hour into the dancing. Food was almost all gone. Everyone was starting to get their bodies moving. Drinks go round. I came out from the back, grabbed a beer and began to wonder. I stopped in the back to just watch what was happening. At that point my dad walked over and stood with me. I am pretty sure I gave him a huge hug. Told him THANK YOU, for maybe the tenth time and smiled. Told him again that I really liked his outfit, (classic gentleman slacks and shoes, with a gentleman's vest and tie, salmon color button up t.) We stood for a minute and just talked about small stuff. But then I smiled real big and he looked at me in wonder. So when I saw his expression I began to tell him what was on my mind.

As I looked around again I told em how awesome it was to have all of our guests there. How interesting it was to see such cultured people from such unique backgrounds and stories. At one table was some members of my family, and my ladies sister and mother with their significant others. Another table was my ladies dad's side of the family including her little brother. Then as you scan the other seven tables, I noticed we had them seated in specific groups. Totally un-intentional. At three tables were the members of Modified k9 Family and Rise Above Team. At another table was friends who also own animal related businesses. At a different table was the people we knew from the tattoo shop, and a final table was our friends from the Vegan culture. Also business owners.

I then began to tell him the story about when my lady and I relocated here. After being her for a year or so we decided to open up our own company. An Art and Advocacy Group that would use it's talents in art's and animals, and volunteering to reach out to it's community. This eventually grew, and the animals became their own identity in Pit Bulls. And Modified k9 was born. So there we were, two late twenty somethings with a new baby boy and that was about it. After thinking about it for a bit, and doing some brainstorming and thinking, we made "it" a part of both business plans. The "it" I am talking about, Family!

My ladies family mostly lives in New Jersey with the exception of her mom. My family is scattered. Mainly living in Florida and Rhode Island, with a brother in Chicago. So we did not have any family really around us, and as everyone knows, Family keeps you in check. Family is what keeps you grounded, and Family is where we belong.

So after telling my dad about all the table collectives, I told him what was so cool, was that we could have rearranged any of them, and almost all of them would still know each other. Nothing would be awkward. I told him how it was so awesome to look around the room and see Family. Not just blood, but loving choice Family. People that live life with us. People that help us. People we help. People with purpose, mission, and culture that we can both learn and teach one another. At any given time we could call on any of them and they us, and we would be there the best we could to do almost anything for one another. And I smiled again! As did he. He gave me that proud dad smile again, that he has given to me plenty of times before.

Being a dad, I understand that look. To see your child learn, succeed, achieve, and just be what they are supposed to be is one of the greatest gifts of parenthood. I love seeing my son learn something new, and get excited about it, and show me what he learned right then as he learns it! I believe my dad was thinking that right then as I was explaining. I believe he was seeing my past fall off of me and my future form in front of me, quite literally. My mom was the same way at multiple occasions that night as well. Stopping to hug me and my lady and tell us how proud she was, and how excited she was. As a matter of fact wise, I believe we were stopped by everyone of our family and friends that night. I joked all day while seeing the pre wedding social network posts. I said it felt like the world was ending for us all and our wedding was the final going out  with a bang!

But I say all this for something much heavier than my satisfaction. I say all this because as I continue to recap it all, I cannot help but think about how amazing God really is. In all of the garbage, and all of the good, and all of the middle areas, He alone is ALWAYS good to me. To Us. All of us!

My lady and I made it a point to try and create a Family atmosphere in all that we do. We aim to have unconditional love to all those we can provide it too. We fall short at times. But we are only humans, dealing with temptation and selfishness as we strive to be one with our God. To be holy for Him. But we were not always in line with Him. Truthfully, we were more at times, living on the wide path. The comfortable; "I got this, I know what I am doing" sort of path. Not really ever praying, or confirming with Him what it is He wants us to do. Just kind of using our knowledge and skills and doing what we knew.

But through all the stuff that we did, and were a part of, He still blessed us with so much. So many opportunities, people, places, lives and just everything. He knew our hearts in all their purity, even when we shoveled trash on top of them, and accepted the general populations way of life instead of His. He knew we wanted a Family, and we wanted to share our gifts, our stories, or culture, our lives. All of these in which He blessed us with. And in wanting all of these things, it lined us up in His will. Even if we were not conscious of it. And like a Loving Father, He blessed us beyond words.

He gave me blood family. He gave me a family of friends. He gave me a wife and a son. He gave us successful businesses. He gave us His world. He gave us His Son. All of this we have accepted with the understanding that it in His Glory and Name. We accept it. We believe it. Everyday, we do our best to Live it. I would do just about anything for all of those who were there to celebrate with us this past weekend. I will also do whatever I can for all of those who were not there this past weekend, regardless if I know you or not.

And as my dad did with me at my wedding, and as I do to my son when he tells me stuff, I believe God smiles down on us now with that proud Father smile. We are where He wants us, and He saw that it was good!


Spoken Word

*a spirit lead writing by: Derek Zielinski

Holy is the name of God,
Greatness abounds in He that carries this name.
King of Kings & Lord of Lords.
To the highest honor we praise.
Sacrifice our worship in times of need,
to praise the Holy One of Israel.
For You are Holy in power and righteousness,
lift your name on high oh God.
Your sons & daughters salute you,
with a holy kiss, I bow to Your thrown.
In the Heaven's and the Earth,
I see Your Glory filled masterpiece.
Through He it was created.
I shall pray this prayer.

No longer for He is forsaken,
placed on the highest of high.
The One and Only,
The beginning of all that is, was and were to come.
Before Him,
with honor, pride and humility,
That He is our King.

Among men He was nothing,
but a prophet and a pauper.
A King of Kings shackled to a cross,
to die a death no one had seen before.
Nor shall they ever see again.
For He was among many,
Bore the sins of the world,
and in each strike of the reed
He called out your name.

"Jezebel" He cries
"Your hearts have forsaken Me,
You turned your backs to Me,
as if I never existed.
But I do exist, both here and now,
before your eyes you have seen,
the miracles on a day to day basis.
It is I who created the light
that shines in you.
It is I that fueled the strength.
The power to overcome."

Both Heaven and Earth bow down at your thrown
and cry out "Holy is the Lord."
You came to the cross in wicked hand.
By our feet you were thrown.
We trampled You.
We spit on You.
In a trashcan sort of way,
we tossed You aside.
Forgive us Lord.
For we know not what we do.
For we have been mislead
by those before us.
Nurture our souls Jesus
and forgive us,
our Faith is weak,
and we do not know fully Your name.

You are the King on the thrown.
You are the Savior on most high,
and the One we are to adore.
Believe in us,
we need You.
Now more than ever.
A King to take His thrown
and lead the new army of believers.

The King of Kings is returning.
To claim His Crown
from the one who stole it.
In words and actions,
he seized his opportunity
and perverted the minds of the pure.
The self righteous have remained kings
in the land of false rulers.
Those who need not, less they have not.
Kings who sit on thrones of money
and garbage.

Thieves and Criminals
He is returning
Crooks and Crooked Ones
He is returning
Rejoice Jerusalem
and all of it's followers,
For your King is returning.
He is coming to make you whole,
Second nature to none.
He will make your pathways straight
and narrow is the road to find Him.
Believe in Him,
and the One who sent Him.
For the spirit is a strong Guidance.

You shall believe in your days to come
that this is to be true:
"You will turn your backs in hate, with hate.
For my followers have failed to connect,"

says the Lord,
"But be sure,
I will raise up this new generation of radicals,
to which you have never seen.
Those who will love and understand,
as I do.
Think and Praise,
as I do.
Be one with Me, as I am with you.
Be with you all of My days
as I am with you,
forever and ever Amen." 

The King is with you in Spirit,



It's an amazing path in which we all have set our feet on. The indestructible design we call Earth. Mother Earth to some. But for most she is merely a planet to which we feed our starving hearts and lungs everyday. Fed with the blood soaked soils of our past transgressions, heaped in piles among each other. We see the error of our ways and we walk blindly aside them, with no recollection of the damage we have done. We breath in the smoke of our forefathers and describe it as healthy. A new tradition.

A false priesthood has been set in place. Now a panel of judges has risen up among all of you. All of us. We proclaim the name of Jesus in our hearts and in our lungs. But the majority stand idly by, with their hands in their pockets and their fingers in the air. Hallelujah is once said in the perverse manor of church praise to a message that satisfies the sole. The sole of what I ask? Of Man? Neh! It satisfies the root of evil. The self declaration of the gospels of so and so, and the evil that is spewed in them. The self centered hallelujah that echos out the chest of the man with no problems in the world because "Jesus has taken care of them." Or so he thinks. He sits mighty on his pedestal in the kingdom of money, fame and power. He is known among his peers as hatred. One that perks up when the higher ups come around and yields a knife as they pass.

The hatred among the saints in the church can be counted as indescribable. A number so rich and heavy, and laden with sin, that no mere mortal could ever bear the weight of its selfishness and greed. The presumption that all take on one, and not one took on all. The mistakes of man, to think that we can make a difference all by our self, and without assistance of a supernatural beings. Someone who has spanned time, and glory has been set in his hands. He is justified in every action and reaction that takes place. He is the one, and the only, that will ever stand at the top. His name is Jesus.

A man of men, a soldier of God. The one on the front line from the beginning of time, He loved us so much, He came to live among us, and then die! Only to show us that we will live again with Him through His Resurrection from the grave, if we choose.

Be set on your own errors and ways, and live for yourself. You evildoers do no good to the planet. You rape, pillage and plunder it all for your own glory, and the self glorification of the god you call yourself. Human man has no place in heaven if all he thinks of is what he needs most in life. What we need most in life is Jesus. The One and only. The proclamation has been set, and the invitations have been giving. The story has been told again and again and all of those who hear it will be forever changed. Because it is in that moment of desperation and loneliness that you need to grasp on to something. And the wicked ways on the world will not satisfy forever. Only the right hand of the Holy One will do. So reach out and grab Him.

You live among yourselves preaching the gospels of righteousness yet you show no example of it. You lie, cheat and steal from others. You proclaim faith in the Holy One of God, yet you speak as if you never met Him. Because you never have! You sacrifice nothing.

For nothing is sacred to you, not even your life!

From the beginning the only thing man cared about was himself. Even in the beginning when he walked side by side with the Lord. He was alone. No one forgave him for his sins because there was no sin. It did not exist yet. But then the fall came and all was forgiven, but was left with a curse. Til this day there has been but one way to lift this curse.

The Resurrection of Christ.

But no one believes in it. In a culture so soaked in self image and me purpose, how do you teach one to be submissive and take on the attitude of a servant. One who does the work of other or for others with hopes that he may win someone over. To proclaim the gospels, and to see the hearts of many change. Be one with his creator in a relationship that will never die. Ever.

Til the end comes, you will see the terrified rise up in the middle of the lame, and those laden with sin will be all around them. They do not know their sins, for no one has told them the error of their ways. So preach the good news and spread the word. For He is coming soon and there will be no way out. There will come a day when the hearts of many will change so rapidly there will be no keeping up with it. Like the sound of rushing waves, you will here the Son of Man return and capture the hearts of many.

Only to be judged once more, shall you return to the error of your previous ways. Be still and wait on God to come. Be alert and open your heart to His image. And clean your eyes, for they are the window of your soul, and unless you see Jesus coming in the distance at that time, you will lose yourself in the smoke and be amongst the soles who are taken to the underground and cast out of the eternal wonder that will be heaven. Amen.

*Soles is used on purpose instead of Souls. ~ 1 Corinthians 15:25-26


Make Me New, Again and Again

My Faith has been getting stirred up. I am in a position of transition now and I am thrown for a loop. I have never committed to anything 100% percent in my life. It wasn't until recently, and I mean maybe 1 and a half years recently, that I have been adjusting that. And on the front line I am trying to place my commitment to my faith in Jesus.

I look at my life until this point sometimes and realize the majority of it was me walking paths that I thought were fit. I chased things that made me comfortable, or things that helped me fit in. My job has been guided by social acceptance for almost 6 years. Last year I came to this understanding. My whole outlook at what I do and why I do it has changed a lot. My relationships with woman were never up to any standard. They were more like whatever it is that is between friends and a relationship without calling it anything. I had the desire to want them, the desire to love them. But my actions never matched on a consistent level.

Somewhere around 8 or 9 years ago, while I was living in the south, I came to find myself headed into the church. Not by my personal decision of wanting to be there. I was more or less going there because the person I was with wanted to go with their family so I joined. Little did I know the works that were about to be done in me. Fast forward this scene about 6-8 months or so, of steady attendance, and listening, and you find me standing up in front of the church body with a fair amount of others, crying my eyes out and not knowing why. I wasn't really thinking of anything except that I wanted change, and I needed it, and the offer was set there for me to accept it. So I did. I let my voice be moved by whatever it was that was inside me and not be moved from my brains stand point. I accepted Jesus and His sacrifice for me.

But I cannot say that was the ultimate change around. Although I accepted my new renewed way of living. I had to educate myself on it. I never grew up in a church. Nor did I care to before that point. So for the next 4 years it was an up and down and back and forth process of studying and understanding and trying to figure out what it was I needed too do. Through it all, I still, NEVER gave in 100%. I studied on my time, I prayed on my time, I thanked him on my time. Half hearted, and half witted. Ignorance at best.

I ran through a 2 year backslide after that. I slowly became an alcoholic again, and a womanizer, and an all around jerk. In the beginning of my downfall, it was hard inside. The guilt of knowing what I was doing was not what was expected of me was hard. Physically sickening. Seriously. But as I pushed away from Jesus and more to what I wanted to do too fit in, it got easier you could say. At least it seemed that way.

Then I met someone, who like me, was on her way out of a sort of relationship and just doing whatever. We talked here and there online. Then our online turned to phone calls. Then in no time we had met in person, spent some time together and decided, Let's move in, move away, and start something new. So we did. We packed up, found a place, moved in. Had a lil boy, started some businesses, and aimed to create a family atmosphere to surround ourselves in. And for the most part, it was working.

All of this time, minus a few conversations here and there, my Faith was remotely stagnant. I would talk about it when prompted but never really was moved too. Never really prayed. Never read or studied. Never really did much but chase what I thought I needed to survive and succeed. I had some awesome opportunities open at times when I was in position to rise up. I was given a lot of responsibly both at work and at home, and I failed. Terribly. I made great money, I was able to buy whatever we needed almost whenever. We were for the most part doing well. Then, reality hits.

I based all of my life decisions on what it was I was doing. I never once gave God what is due to Him. I was not living a life that matched my testimony, let alone matched what it is that is expected of me.

Fast forward through the failures that almost destroyed EVERYTHING. As well as the recovery process. (Read about that HERE .) I find myself standing side by side with this wonderfully strong woman! She has been so much support and love for me. I have a son who is so awesome I cannot even write it all down. I have two successful businesses we both run. I have a family that rolls almost 100 deep, and I can count on them just about anytime I would need them as they would need me. My personal business and arts are slowly dragging its way out of the mud. Our network is building as are our connections. And all of this is absolutely related to my God.

8 years ago or so, I left my old self on an alter in Georgia, and I told Jesus I wanted the life He had for me, and I was going to do my best to live for Him from that day on. Guess what, I lied! I didn't know I lied, but I understand that now. And it may not have so much been a lie, as it may have been and weak promise. Today, I am more free feeling than I have been ever. I have found some professional council that helps me both with addictive habits as well as faith based truths and life. I re-declared to God in front of a family of close to 500 plus, that I would live for Him, on the day I was Baptized. I was also blessed to share that moment with the woman I love! I love reading His scriptures. I love learning more about the awesome things He has done for us throughout time. I am now learning to commit to the things He has given me, instead of figuring out what I believe is best, and running with that.

I look back sometimes and see a lot of the opportunity in my life where I could have made the decision to choose Him over me, and so much more Life would have taken place. I see now, He has blessed me so much. Everything I have that I love is because of Him. And I do not deserve any of it. I have been terrible at portraying the person He expects me to be.

The name Jesus has power. Say it anywhere and someone will react. May be bad, may be good, sometimes it's indifferent. So repeat it. Just the name, JESUS. There is power in it because that was the design. One name, to rule, above all other names ever thought of, or created. Say any name there is in a crowd, and none of them will ever compare to the reactive power of Jesus.

I accepted Him, and His love for me because I was out of options. I thought I controlled my environments, I controlled my lifeline, I controlled my outcomes. In reality, the only thing I control is my decision. And if I am fully committed to this Faith, to this Life, that decision should already be made every time. I choose Him. We are not an accident. We are not born of monkeys. We are not evolution fish. We are creatures that are designed specifically, and formed by an Artist. This world, is not an accident. It didn't just happen. It is not an finite number of happy accidents. Everything around us is designed individually, and designed to work together. It doesn't just happen.

Look around. Take things apart. Look deeper than the surface and see. This world was created for us. And all we have done since is destroy it. Ignore the designer. Tell Him that we have a better plan. Then we live selfishly, and with greed. And we destroy.

That is not what He is about. That is no what I am about. Because He lives through me, every time I surrender myself and my agenda. That is the hardest part. Surrender . . . But when you finally understand Love and Grace, and how it works, You chase it, and do your best to give into it always. So that we may be forever connected, and He can be seen through us.

My Faith is being stirred up, because I asked Jesus to guide me, and to teach me to be fearless, and in that awakening, my body fights back. But I have to press on, and aim for 100% always, so that His love can be seen, heard, felt and experienced by everyone, everywhere, forever. AMEN.