I cannot say I have met a lot of people in my life. Although I feel I have met a lot, most of those I have met I may not know to be true to the character they are. Of all the people and characters I have met I cannot say anyone has had a more true heart than the one person I adore most. It is currently 11pm on a Saturday night. Most people are out and about with friends right now having a good time. Or they are sleeping because they have work in the morning, or have church to go too. Technically the one I am about to talk to you about has both of them tomorrow.
I am relaxing on the couch watching an independent documentary on Wayne White. Look him up if your curious and do not know, cause this is not about him. But in the film, there was this ever present feeling of heart. The man loved what he did and did what he loved. All of which came naturally. That is living! He was an artist. Period. When the film ends, I begin to ponder what is currently going on. Selfishly I look at myself and get frustrated with the kind of agitation only artists and musicians can understand. The conflict between wanting to be out there producing and succeeding, and the struggle to stop being procrastinating and down on yourself with no real hope of your success. As this rattles around in my mind, I stop and begin to realize how blessed I am.
My son is currently sleeping. Peacefully he is in bed dreaming and having fun in whatever play land it is that God himself provides vision too. I look to my left and my right and I see my three dogs, also sleeping. The only one who is not here is my wife. She has been out for a few hours now on a mission. I don't mean a mission, like a vendetta or a have to do this, I mean a mission of the heart.
I assist my wife in running a education and advocacy group for pit bull dogs. We also rescue and foster as well. She is the brains and the educator in the overall project. For the last 15-20 years, she has devoted almost everyday of her life to helping and being around animals. Although the majority of them have been dogs, she has also spent a lot of time with birds, horses, cats, and the occasional exotic. Over the years she has clocked in countless hours of veterinary technician work and assistance, behavioral and obedience training, k9 police protection and search and rescue training, grooming for dogs and horse, cart racing and training with horses, canine good citizen and therapy dog work, companion animal training, and not to mention the all of the outlets she has used to help teach and train others. The stories she can tell about it all will entertain our grandchildren for days and days when we get older. For me, she has the most heart of anyone I have ever met so far in this life, and it continue to grows daily.
As I finish that paragraph, she returns home and fills me in on everything that had went on tonight while she was out on a call about a dog. Here it is late night on a Saturday, and she is still doing what comes natural to her. Loving these dogs.
This write up is about her. She is a motivation for me. She is a focus for me. She influences me daily and has influenced me over the past few years in some major ways. She will push you and challenge you to step up or step forward, because she cares. I have watched her answer texts and phone calls about animal questions at all hours of the day. Answering emails for weeks on end with the same people, asking the same questions, until they finally understand what it is she is teaching them. I have watched her do some amazing things with animals. I have seen the repercussions of her work through others who follow her. Humbly she accepts thanks, although a lot of times she fights it. For her the best thank you that you can provide would be doing what it is she has taught or showed you. Then pass it on to others who can use it as well. She loves what she does, because she does what she loves.
It has it's trials. It has it's ups and downs. There is a lot of pressure, pain, tension, stress, time, money, words, actions and soul, poured in day after day with what she does. It gets really hard sometimes for her to continue. I have been here for her many a times in the last few years when she has wanted to just stop it all and quit. I wouldn't blame her either. She has been non stop almost every day for two decades! What have you done that long? What have I done that long? She has done the above with an overflowing heart. Because of that, she knows she could never really quit. Every now and them she receives a message from someone, (sometimes from half way around the globe) that helps boost her up. People thanking her for doing what she does, and showing others how to do it. Being there for them when they have questions. Being there when they need help. Both personally and with their animals.
The most amazing part about this too, for the last four years, she has done it all while being a stay at home mom. That in itself (especially with our boy) is no easy task. He adds up to all three of our dogs and then some. But she does it. Full on, full time, full heart.
She loves God, she loves her family, she loves her animals. She loves Life! For all she has done, she is nothing short of amazing, and I blessed to have her as my wife. No matter how hard it gets, or how awesome things are, her heart is solid, and it is strong, and it will go until our father takes her home. I can bet your life will change when you get to experience it.
1.27.2013
1.03.2013
The Garden
There is always a new feeling when the year starts over again. This year I can't help but begin to visually notice the destruction of the garden around us. Through the things I see with my own eyes, too the things I watch and read about online and in books or magazines. Different conservation groups engaged in literal war-zones. Activist being arrested for releasing caged and tortured animals. Freedom fighters engaged in battles of government and rebel armies over trafficking and slavery. Well builders in countries oppressed in war and without clean drinking water. Movements arising all over the planet for specific causes and purpose. It is a new generation of people starting to take the roles of leaders and go getters, and if they are interrupted or forced to move, they challenge that authority and force them to give them the answer to their question, "Why?"
The last few weeks of December 2012 and now into January 2013, I have been watching back episodes of Whale Wars. For those who may not know what that is, I will do a quick run down. Whale Wars is a show on Animal Planet that involves the Conservation Group, " The Sea Shepherds." Lead by Paul Watson, former founder of GreenPeace, who was dismissed from the organization for being to aggressive in his actions. He then started Sea Shepherds, and with his volunteer crews, they wage war against people and country who bend or break the laws of international sea fishing, whaling, shark hunting, and other forms of arctic wildlife exploitation.
As I continue to watch what it is this organization is doing, I cannot help and think to myself how amazing these people are. They are literally risking their lives in dangerous conditions and with no law or military back up. They aim to directly interfere with hostile forces. As I watch each episode, my insides get shaken up, and I feel like I am experiencing the same emotions that the crew is feeling at that time. It is a very odd emotional thing that happens, and I am not even there with them.
Back a few months ago I watched the movie "Bold Native." A fictional film based on real life activists. Groups of people who are taking up actions against animal testing, factory farming and fur trade operations to name a few. I am sure the is a lot of other things they compete with as well. Again, these individuals risk life, for the liberations of the animals who are involuntarily being treated with disrespect and emotionless torture. All for the sake a human consumption and greed.
Both the Sea Shepherds and the animal liberation groups that fueled Bold Native are considered terrorists by national governments. As well as Federal and International Governments. Threatened with charges of Piracy and Illegal interference of research and studies, the Sea Shepherds continue to press on and get in the face of the enemy. In the same regards, the Animal Liberation groups world wide are also tried as Terrorists. Not a minor charge. Terrorist as in 9/11 events style Terrorism. If caught in their actions and proven guilty of property damage or interference of whatever they interfere with, Activist face Federal Prison sentencing. For an act as small as trespassing and cage opening at a Mink Fur Farm, one activist couple I read about received 5 years Federal Prison. Still, after these threats and official crackdowns, these Activists put themselves in the face of he enemy.
I also follow other advocacy and activist websites online that challenge those who are willing to join the fight. Wether through petitioning, protesting, or physical involvement in legal grey area activities. These are organizations that are stepping to the front lines and challenging the "Traditional" ways of doing thing. They are backed by years of studies both medical and analytical, and they use these findings as fuel for their campaigns.
I do not only follow animal activist though. I try my best to follow and get involved in many human related issues. On a spectrum that ranges from Vegetarianism/Veganism to Fatherless Generation issues, Abortion, Environmental Conservation, Sex Trafficking, Child Labor Exploitation, and Child Soldiers. I also follow a few companies such as Tom's Shoes, EatArt, and WeWood, who use their business to help the less fortunate receive goods they need. Be it food, clothing, shoes or medical.
For me, all of these groups and companies are serving an exact purpose. Wether we agree or disagree with their practice, or the way they do what they do, the point is that they are getting it done. I for one am for it. To the best of my understanding, the majority of the activist and conservationist groups are doing what they can to maintain the non-violent action towards humans that oppose their efforts. But this by no means makes them backdown if and when confrontation arises. They do defend themselves when threatened with their lives and the lives of others. They are, most of the time, in war-zones and hostile environments.
Before I started writing this entry, I can not help but have his thought that has been in my mind for a while now. It started after reading a book I recently purchased titled "Date Your Wife." A rather interesting view on marriage and how to keep it up and running at full steam and keep it successful. The author starts the book out by telling the story of Adam and Eve when they were still called Man and Woman. We all know how the story of their meeting goes. But the author meditates and dissects the story a bit further.
God creates the world. Night and Day, Sun and Moon, Land and Sea, Desserts and Forrest, Plants and Animals. Then in the final phase of creation, God creates Man in the likeness of Himself and the Angels. After he creates man, He places him in the Garden. Then He tells the man to cultivate the land and be sure it flourishes. Then while doing these tasks, God notices man becomes tired and instructs him to find himself a helper among the creatures of the land. During this time of creation there was no strife between man and beast. The strife came from a curse later in the story. But during his search for a helper, man found nothing suitable for his needs. So God put the man to sleep and formed woman from his rib.
The reason I talk about this story and how it all comes together with what I wrote above is this; God formed man in the final stages of creation. First He constructed the planet, the lands, the waters, the vegetation, the beasts, the birds, and the things below the surfaces. THEN He created man. There was no strife among any living creature. So God told the man to "Cultivate the Garden, make sure that it flourishes." Man's only assignment was to make sure the creation that he was placed in stayed healthy and continued to produce good things.
Fast forward to present day, and take a real precise and accurate look at the garden now. Do it with open eyes. If you take the time and energy to do this you too will see the disarray and dysfunction that is taking place. On both the local and international plains, Man has put himself in the position of God. Man makes decisions without regard to cultivation or the benefit of life, he makes the decision based on profits, power and position. Where we were once blessed to be in position of Dominion, we have now made a cursed and greedy position. We have made "Dominion" a control position instead of an in charge position. Plagued by years of "Tradition" and the mindsets of "That's how our ancestors did it." The sad news for eyes like this is that WE ARE NOT OUR ANCESTORS. We have become more educated and more experienced in our endeavors. We have the knowledge of what is good and what is un-beneficial to all life forms.
People like the Sea Shepherds and the Animal Liberation Groups understand that man's greed and perverse vision of dominion is destroying our home. We are depleting our natural resources as well as our environment for he sake of money and power. Activist groups evolved in Trafficking and Slavery groups understand that the exploitation of humans is counteractive to the progression and harmony of creation. There are a million groups and companies that could be named, all of them flying both under the radar and in the international eye. All of them getting right up in the face of the enemy.
But who is the enemy? The answer; YOU, ME, and everyone else who partakes in the destruction of the Garden.
With the understanding of funding issues, and society placements, I know not everyone can make a grand scale impact on the cultivation process. But everything that has major purpose, STARTS as a small and simple action. Then snowballs into routine and habitual actions, and with enough motivation and support it becomes a Movement!
Take a few moments after reading this if you will, put the computer or digital devise down, and just look around. Look out your window, stand on your porch, or in your front yard. Really LOOK. The things you see around you, THIS is your Garden. Wether city, country or suburbs, You live in the Garden. You are blessed to have this creation in the state it is in. It could be worse! It can always be worse! But the reason it is not, is because their are people you do not know, people you may never meet or see in real life, people who will never see media attention in a positive light, if at all. There are brothers and sisters putting their lives on the line, LITERALLY, to keep the balance in the Garden.
When you are done really seeing what is around you, take some time to seek out ways you can help the Cultivation Process. Conscious decisions like paper instead of plastic. Recycled instead of New. Consume less. Turn down the heat and put on more layers. Donate all your unused items to ministries like Salvation Army, Good Will, and other more minor ones. Walk, ride a bike, or use some skates to get around your local areas instead of driving (weather permitting.)
My personal challenge to the readers, seriously look into Vegetarianism or Veganism. There is nothing but beneficial repercussions all across the board when you make this decision. These decision help you both health wise and living wise. It benefits the environment, it lowers the amount of deaths in he animal kingdom, it destroys diseases, it cuts back on waste and trash. It is all part of the Garden and it's cultivation. It takes effort, and it takes conscious decision making. But the benefits outweigh any reason you can make to say no.
On a heavier note, if you consider yourself a Christian, or a follower of Christ, or however you want to say it, I believe it is our duty to be Vegetarian/Vegan. When you read the text, There was no call for the eating of animals. All animals and beings lived in harmony and were told to eat of the trees and plants and grains. It wasn't until the flood subsided that God "aloud" man to eat animals. But with this allowance came a curse. God placed strife between man and beast, and if man was going to eat them, he was REQUIRED to give an account (acceptable reason) for the lifeblood he took. Usually this was applied to animals used for Sacrifice of Sin or Celebration and Feasts. So unless you personally collect the meat and fish you feed your family with, (and I do not mean from the market) there is no reason to partake in the eating of animals and marine life. Look into it, the book of Genesis, it is in the text.
2013, a time for awareness, a time for cultivation. Be part of the change, and watch where it can take you.
The last few weeks of December 2012 and now into January 2013, I have been watching back episodes of Whale Wars. For those who may not know what that is, I will do a quick run down. Whale Wars is a show on Animal Planet that involves the Conservation Group, " The Sea Shepherds." Lead by Paul Watson, former founder of GreenPeace, who was dismissed from the organization for being to aggressive in his actions. He then started Sea Shepherds, and with his volunteer crews, they wage war against people and country who bend or break the laws of international sea fishing, whaling, shark hunting, and other forms of arctic wildlife exploitation.
As I continue to watch what it is this organization is doing, I cannot help and think to myself how amazing these people are. They are literally risking their lives in dangerous conditions and with no law or military back up. They aim to directly interfere with hostile forces. As I watch each episode, my insides get shaken up, and I feel like I am experiencing the same emotions that the crew is feeling at that time. It is a very odd emotional thing that happens, and I am not even there with them.
Back a few months ago I watched the movie "Bold Native." A fictional film based on real life activists. Groups of people who are taking up actions against animal testing, factory farming and fur trade operations to name a few. I am sure the is a lot of other things they compete with as well. Again, these individuals risk life, for the liberations of the animals who are involuntarily being treated with disrespect and emotionless torture. All for the sake a human consumption and greed.
Both the Sea Shepherds and the animal liberation groups that fueled Bold Native are considered terrorists by national governments. As well as Federal and International Governments. Threatened with charges of Piracy and Illegal interference of research and studies, the Sea Shepherds continue to press on and get in the face of the enemy. In the same regards, the Animal Liberation groups world wide are also tried as Terrorists. Not a minor charge. Terrorist as in 9/11 events style Terrorism. If caught in their actions and proven guilty of property damage or interference of whatever they interfere with, Activist face Federal Prison sentencing. For an act as small as trespassing and cage opening at a Mink Fur Farm, one activist couple I read about received 5 years Federal Prison. Still, after these threats and official crackdowns, these Activists put themselves in the face of he enemy.
I also follow other advocacy and activist websites online that challenge those who are willing to join the fight. Wether through petitioning, protesting, or physical involvement in legal grey area activities. These are organizations that are stepping to the front lines and challenging the "Traditional" ways of doing thing. They are backed by years of studies both medical and analytical, and they use these findings as fuel for their campaigns.
I do not only follow animal activist though. I try my best to follow and get involved in many human related issues. On a spectrum that ranges from Vegetarianism/Veganism to Fatherless Generation issues, Abortion, Environmental Conservation, Sex Trafficking, Child Labor Exploitation, and Child Soldiers. I also follow a few companies such as Tom's Shoes, EatArt, and WeWood, who use their business to help the less fortunate receive goods they need. Be it food, clothing, shoes or medical.
For me, all of these groups and companies are serving an exact purpose. Wether we agree or disagree with their practice, or the way they do what they do, the point is that they are getting it done. I for one am for it. To the best of my understanding, the majority of the activist and conservationist groups are doing what they can to maintain the non-violent action towards humans that oppose their efforts. But this by no means makes them backdown if and when confrontation arises. They do defend themselves when threatened with their lives and the lives of others. They are, most of the time, in war-zones and hostile environments.
Before I started writing this entry, I can not help but have his thought that has been in my mind for a while now. It started after reading a book I recently purchased titled "Date Your Wife." A rather interesting view on marriage and how to keep it up and running at full steam and keep it successful. The author starts the book out by telling the story of Adam and Eve when they were still called Man and Woman. We all know how the story of their meeting goes. But the author meditates and dissects the story a bit further.
God creates the world. Night and Day, Sun and Moon, Land and Sea, Desserts and Forrest, Plants and Animals. Then in the final phase of creation, God creates Man in the likeness of Himself and the Angels. After he creates man, He places him in the Garden. Then He tells the man to cultivate the land and be sure it flourishes. Then while doing these tasks, God notices man becomes tired and instructs him to find himself a helper among the creatures of the land. During this time of creation there was no strife between man and beast. The strife came from a curse later in the story. But during his search for a helper, man found nothing suitable for his needs. So God put the man to sleep and formed woman from his rib.
The reason I talk about this story and how it all comes together with what I wrote above is this; God formed man in the final stages of creation. First He constructed the planet, the lands, the waters, the vegetation, the beasts, the birds, and the things below the surfaces. THEN He created man. There was no strife among any living creature. So God told the man to "Cultivate the Garden, make sure that it flourishes." Man's only assignment was to make sure the creation that he was placed in stayed healthy and continued to produce good things.
Fast forward to present day, and take a real precise and accurate look at the garden now. Do it with open eyes. If you take the time and energy to do this you too will see the disarray and dysfunction that is taking place. On both the local and international plains, Man has put himself in the position of God. Man makes decisions without regard to cultivation or the benefit of life, he makes the decision based on profits, power and position. Where we were once blessed to be in position of Dominion, we have now made a cursed and greedy position. We have made "Dominion" a control position instead of an in charge position. Plagued by years of "Tradition" and the mindsets of "That's how our ancestors did it." The sad news for eyes like this is that WE ARE NOT OUR ANCESTORS. We have become more educated and more experienced in our endeavors. We have the knowledge of what is good and what is un-beneficial to all life forms.
People like the Sea Shepherds and the Animal Liberation Groups understand that man's greed and perverse vision of dominion is destroying our home. We are depleting our natural resources as well as our environment for he sake of money and power. Activist groups evolved in Trafficking and Slavery groups understand that the exploitation of humans is counteractive to the progression and harmony of creation. There are a million groups and companies that could be named, all of them flying both under the radar and in the international eye. All of them getting right up in the face of the enemy.
But who is the enemy? The answer; YOU, ME, and everyone else who partakes in the destruction of the Garden.
With the understanding of funding issues, and society placements, I know not everyone can make a grand scale impact on the cultivation process. But everything that has major purpose, STARTS as a small and simple action. Then snowballs into routine and habitual actions, and with enough motivation and support it becomes a Movement!
Take a few moments after reading this if you will, put the computer or digital devise down, and just look around. Look out your window, stand on your porch, or in your front yard. Really LOOK. The things you see around you, THIS is your Garden. Wether city, country or suburbs, You live in the Garden. You are blessed to have this creation in the state it is in. It could be worse! It can always be worse! But the reason it is not, is because their are people you do not know, people you may never meet or see in real life, people who will never see media attention in a positive light, if at all. There are brothers and sisters putting their lives on the line, LITERALLY, to keep the balance in the Garden.
When you are done really seeing what is around you, take some time to seek out ways you can help the Cultivation Process. Conscious decisions like paper instead of plastic. Recycled instead of New. Consume less. Turn down the heat and put on more layers. Donate all your unused items to ministries like Salvation Army, Good Will, and other more minor ones. Walk, ride a bike, or use some skates to get around your local areas instead of driving (weather permitting.)
My personal challenge to the readers, seriously look into Vegetarianism or Veganism. There is nothing but beneficial repercussions all across the board when you make this decision. These decision help you both health wise and living wise. It benefits the environment, it lowers the amount of deaths in he animal kingdom, it destroys diseases, it cuts back on waste and trash. It is all part of the Garden and it's cultivation. It takes effort, and it takes conscious decision making. But the benefits outweigh any reason you can make to say no.
On a heavier note, if you consider yourself a Christian, or a follower of Christ, or however you want to say it, I believe it is our duty to be Vegetarian/Vegan. When you read the text, There was no call for the eating of animals. All animals and beings lived in harmony and were told to eat of the trees and plants and grains. It wasn't until the flood subsided that God "aloud" man to eat animals. But with this allowance came a curse. God placed strife between man and beast, and if man was going to eat them, he was REQUIRED to give an account (acceptable reason) for the lifeblood he took. Usually this was applied to animals used for Sacrifice of Sin or Celebration and Feasts. So unless you personally collect the meat and fish you feed your family with, (and I do not mean from the market) there is no reason to partake in the eating of animals and marine life. Look into it, the book of Genesis, it is in the text.
2013, a time for awareness, a time for cultivation. Be part of the change, and watch where it can take you.
10.16.2012
The smile of a Father
This past Saturday, my lady an I finalized the progress of commitment to one another and we became married! I cannot begin to describe the roller coaster of emotion involved in the process. Between the food, the clothes, the invites, the decorations, the timeline, phone calls, emails, and the like. Side note too, We catered ninety percent of it, and decorated almost all of it ourselves. So ya, stress!
But everything went over so well. So awesome too! I was never once nervous about the fact of being married. I was very excited for that. I have no problem being in front of people either so there was no real stress there. My two biggest worries were in this order; 1.) Make sure the Bride is happy, excited, and stress free, 2.) Do not screw up the Pumpkin Pasta. That was the headliner in the three main dishes, and it was a modified recipe my lady designed and I was bulk making it for an estimated one hundred people. Plus I made a side order specifically for a friend of mine who is allergic to onions. But I wanted him to eat some, so I batched it!
Once it all went down, it went smooth, clean, no stress, no fights, and everyone loved the food. They Loved my bride! They enjoyed the music, the drinking, the atmosphere. It was a success!
But I am not writing so much to recap what most of my readers will already know or soon know about our wedding. I am actually wanting to write about the goodness of God! Now of all the things I could relate to God through weddings and marriage, I am going to dodge really. I am actually wanting to just write about this conversation I had with my dad while we stood in the back of the festivities and talked.
It was about an hour into the dancing. Food was almost all gone. Everyone was starting to get their bodies moving. Drinks go round. I came out from the back, grabbed a beer and began to wonder. I stopped in the back to just watch what was happening. At that point my dad walked over and stood with me. I am pretty sure I gave him a huge hug. Told him THANK YOU, for maybe the tenth time and smiled. Told him again that I really liked his outfit, (classic gentleman slacks and shoes, with a gentleman's vest and tie, salmon color button up t.) We stood for a minute and just talked about small stuff. But then I smiled real big and he looked at me in wonder. So when I saw his expression I began to tell him what was on my mind.
As I looked around again I told em how awesome it was to have all of our guests there. How interesting it was to see such cultured people from such unique backgrounds and stories. At one table was some members of my family, and my ladies sister and mother with their significant others. Another table was my ladies dad's side of the family including her little brother. Then as you scan the other seven tables, I noticed we had them seated in specific groups. Totally un-intentional. At three tables were the members of Modified k9 Family and Rise Above Team. At another table was friends who also own animal related businesses. At a different table was the people we knew from the tattoo shop, and a final table was our friends from the Vegan culture. Also business owners.
I then began to tell him the story about when my lady and I relocated here. After being her for a year or so we decided to open up our own company. An Art and Advocacy Group that would use it's talents in art's and animals, and volunteering to reach out to it's community. This eventually grew, and the animals became their own identity in Pit Bulls. And Modified k9 was born. So there we were, two late twenty somethings with a new baby boy and that was about it. After thinking about it for a bit, and doing some brainstorming and thinking, we made "it" a part of both business plans. The "it" I am talking about, Family!
My ladies family mostly lives in New Jersey with the exception of her mom. My family is scattered. Mainly living in Florida and Rhode Island, with a brother in Chicago. So we did not have any family really around us, and as everyone knows, Family keeps you in check. Family is what keeps you grounded, and Family is where we belong.
So after telling my dad about all the table collectives, I told him what was so cool, was that we could have rearranged any of them, and almost all of them would still know each other. Nothing would be awkward. I told him how it was so awesome to look around the room and see Family. Not just blood, but loving choice Family. People that live life with us. People that help us. People we help. People with purpose, mission, and culture that we can both learn and teach one another. At any given time we could call on any of them and they us, and we would be there the best we could to do almost anything for one another. And I smiled again! As did he. He gave me that proud dad smile again, that he has given to me plenty of times before.
Being a dad, I understand that look. To see your child learn, succeed, achieve, and just be what they are supposed to be is one of the greatest gifts of parenthood. I love seeing my son learn something new, and get excited about it, and show me what he learned right then as he learns it! I believe my dad was thinking that right then as I was explaining. I believe he was seeing my past fall off of me and my future form in front of me, quite literally. My mom was the same way at multiple occasions that night as well. Stopping to hug me and my lady and tell us how proud she was, and how excited she was. As a matter of fact wise, I believe we were stopped by everyone of our family and friends that night. I joked all day while seeing the pre wedding social network posts. I said it felt like the world was ending for us all and our wedding was the final going out with a bang!
But I say all this for something much heavier than my satisfaction. I say all this because as I continue to recap it all, I cannot help but think about how amazing God really is. In all of the garbage, and all of the good, and all of the middle areas, He alone is ALWAYS good to me. To Us. All of us!
My lady and I made it a point to try and create a Family atmosphere in all that we do. We aim to have unconditional love to all those we can provide it too. We fall short at times. But we are only humans, dealing with temptation and selfishness as we strive to be one with our God. To be holy for Him. But we were not always in line with Him. Truthfully, we were more at times, living on the wide path. The comfortable; "I got this, I know what I am doing" sort of path. Not really ever praying, or confirming with Him what it is He wants us to do. Just kind of using our knowledge and skills and doing what we knew.
But through all the stuff that we did, and were a part of, He still blessed us with so much. So many opportunities, people, places, lives and just everything. He knew our hearts in all their purity, even when we shoveled trash on top of them, and accepted the general populations way of life instead of His. He knew we wanted a Family, and we wanted to share our gifts, our stories, or culture, our lives. All of these in which He blessed us with. And in wanting all of these things, it lined us up in His will. Even if we were not conscious of it. And like a Loving Father, He blessed us beyond words.
He gave me blood family. He gave me a family of friends. He gave me a wife and a son. He gave us successful businesses. He gave us His world. He gave us His Son. All of this we have accepted with the understanding that it in His Glory and Name. We accept it. We believe it. Everyday, we do our best to Live it. I would do just about anything for all of those who were there to celebrate with us this past weekend. I will also do whatever I can for all of those who were not there this past weekend, regardless if I know you or not.
And as my dad did with me at my wedding, and as I do to my son when he tells me stuff, I believe God smiles down on us now with that proud Father smile. We are where He wants us, and He saw that it was good!
But everything went over so well. So awesome too! I was never once nervous about the fact of being married. I was very excited for that. I have no problem being in front of people either so there was no real stress there. My two biggest worries were in this order; 1.) Make sure the Bride is happy, excited, and stress free, 2.) Do not screw up the Pumpkin Pasta. That was the headliner in the three main dishes, and it was a modified recipe my lady designed and I was bulk making it for an estimated one hundred people. Plus I made a side order specifically for a friend of mine who is allergic to onions. But I wanted him to eat some, so I batched it!
Once it all went down, it went smooth, clean, no stress, no fights, and everyone loved the food. They Loved my bride! They enjoyed the music, the drinking, the atmosphere. It was a success!
But I am not writing so much to recap what most of my readers will already know or soon know about our wedding. I am actually wanting to write about the goodness of God! Now of all the things I could relate to God through weddings and marriage, I am going to dodge really. I am actually wanting to just write about this conversation I had with my dad while we stood in the back of the festivities and talked.
It was about an hour into the dancing. Food was almost all gone. Everyone was starting to get their bodies moving. Drinks go round. I came out from the back, grabbed a beer and began to wonder. I stopped in the back to just watch what was happening. At that point my dad walked over and stood with me. I am pretty sure I gave him a huge hug. Told him THANK YOU, for maybe the tenth time and smiled. Told him again that I really liked his outfit, (classic gentleman slacks and shoes, with a gentleman's vest and tie, salmon color button up t.) We stood for a minute and just talked about small stuff. But then I smiled real big and he looked at me in wonder. So when I saw his expression I began to tell him what was on my mind.
As I looked around again I told em how awesome it was to have all of our guests there. How interesting it was to see such cultured people from such unique backgrounds and stories. At one table was some members of my family, and my ladies sister and mother with their significant others. Another table was my ladies dad's side of the family including her little brother. Then as you scan the other seven tables, I noticed we had them seated in specific groups. Totally un-intentional. At three tables were the members of Modified k9 Family and Rise Above Team. At another table was friends who also own animal related businesses. At a different table was the people we knew from the tattoo shop, and a final table was our friends from the Vegan culture. Also business owners.
I then began to tell him the story about when my lady and I relocated here. After being her for a year or so we decided to open up our own company. An Art and Advocacy Group that would use it's talents in art's and animals, and volunteering to reach out to it's community. This eventually grew, and the animals became their own identity in Pit Bulls. And Modified k9 was born. So there we were, two late twenty somethings with a new baby boy and that was about it. After thinking about it for a bit, and doing some brainstorming and thinking, we made "it" a part of both business plans. The "it" I am talking about, Family!
My ladies family mostly lives in New Jersey with the exception of her mom. My family is scattered. Mainly living in Florida and Rhode Island, with a brother in Chicago. So we did not have any family really around us, and as everyone knows, Family keeps you in check. Family is what keeps you grounded, and Family is where we belong.
So after telling my dad about all the table collectives, I told him what was so cool, was that we could have rearranged any of them, and almost all of them would still know each other. Nothing would be awkward. I told him how it was so awesome to look around the room and see Family. Not just blood, but loving choice Family. People that live life with us. People that help us. People we help. People with purpose, mission, and culture that we can both learn and teach one another. At any given time we could call on any of them and they us, and we would be there the best we could to do almost anything for one another. And I smiled again! As did he. He gave me that proud dad smile again, that he has given to me plenty of times before.
Being a dad, I understand that look. To see your child learn, succeed, achieve, and just be what they are supposed to be is one of the greatest gifts of parenthood. I love seeing my son learn something new, and get excited about it, and show me what he learned right then as he learns it! I believe my dad was thinking that right then as I was explaining. I believe he was seeing my past fall off of me and my future form in front of me, quite literally. My mom was the same way at multiple occasions that night as well. Stopping to hug me and my lady and tell us how proud she was, and how excited she was. As a matter of fact wise, I believe we were stopped by everyone of our family and friends that night. I joked all day while seeing the pre wedding social network posts. I said it felt like the world was ending for us all and our wedding was the final going out with a bang!
But I say all this for something much heavier than my satisfaction. I say all this because as I continue to recap it all, I cannot help but think about how amazing God really is. In all of the garbage, and all of the good, and all of the middle areas, He alone is ALWAYS good to me. To Us. All of us!
My lady and I made it a point to try and create a Family atmosphere in all that we do. We aim to have unconditional love to all those we can provide it too. We fall short at times. But we are only humans, dealing with temptation and selfishness as we strive to be one with our God. To be holy for Him. But we were not always in line with Him. Truthfully, we were more at times, living on the wide path. The comfortable; "I got this, I know what I am doing" sort of path. Not really ever praying, or confirming with Him what it is He wants us to do. Just kind of using our knowledge and skills and doing what we knew.
But through all the stuff that we did, and were a part of, He still blessed us with so much. So many opportunities, people, places, lives and just everything. He knew our hearts in all their purity, even when we shoveled trash on top of them, and accepted the general populations way of life instead of His. He knew we wanted a Family, and we wanted to share our gifts, our stories, or culture, our lives. All of these in which He blessed us with. And in wanting all of these things, it lined us up in His will. Even if we were not conscious of it. And like a Loving Father, He blessed us beyond words.
He gave me blood family. He gave me a family of friends. He gave me a wife and a son. He gave us successful businesses. He gave us His world. He gave us His Son. All of this we have accepted with the understanding that it in His Glory and Name. We accept it. We believe it. Everyday, we do our best to Live it. I would do just about anything for all of those who were there to celebrate with us this past weekend. I will also do whatever I can for all of those who were not there this past weekend, regardless if I know you or not.
And as my dad did with me at my wedding, and as I do to my son when he tells me stuff, I believe God smiles down on us now with that proud Father smile. We are where He wants us, and He saw that it was good!
8.09.2012
Spoken Word
*a spirit lead writing by: Derek Zielinski
Holy is the name of God,
Greatness abounds in He that carries this name.
King of Kings & Lord of Lords.
To the highest honor we praise.
Sacrifice our worship in times of need,
to praise the Holy One of Israel.
For You are Holy in power and righteousness,
lift your name on high oh God.
Your sons & daughters salute you,
with a holy kiss, I bow to Your thrown.
In the Heaven's and the Earth,
I see Your Glory filled masterpiece.
Through He it was created.
I shall pray this prayer.
No longer for He is forsaken,
placed on the highest of high.
The One and Only,
Jesus.
The beginning of all that is, was and were to come.
Before Him,
with honor, pride and humility,
That He is our King.
Among men He was nothing,
but a prophet and a pauper.
A King of Kings shackled to a cross,
to die a death no one had seen before.
Nor shall they ever see again.
For He was among many,
Bore the sins of the world,
and in each strike of the reed
He called out your name.
"Jezebel" He cries
"Your hearts have forsaken Me,
You turned your backs to Me,
as if I never existed.
But I do exist, both here and now,
before your eyes you have seen,
the miracles on a day to day basis.
It is I who created the light
that shines in you.
It is I that fueled the strength.
The power to overcome."
Both Heaven and Earth bow down at your thrown
and cry out "Holy is the Lord."
You came to the cross in wicked hand.
By our feet you were thrown.
We trampled You.
We spit on You.
In a trashcan sort of way,
we tossed You aside.
Forgive us Lord.
For we know not what we do.
For we have been mislead
by those before us.
Nurture our souls Jesus
and forgive us,
our Faith is weak,
and we do not know fully Your name.
You are the King on the thrown.
You are the Savior on most high,
and the One we are to adore.
Believe in us,
we need You.
Now more than ever.
A King to take His thrown
and lead the new army of believers.
The King of Kings is returning.
To claim His Crown
from the one who stole it.
In words and actions,
he seized his opportunity
and perverted the minds of the pure.
The self righteous have remained kings
in the land of false rulers.
Those who need not, less they have not.
Kings who sit on thrones of money
and garbage.
Thieves and Criminals
He is returning
Crooks and Crooked Ones
He is returning
Rejoice Jerusalem
and all of it's followers,
For your King is returning.
He is coming to make you whole,
Second nature to none.
He will make your pathways straight
and narrow is the road to find Him.
Believe in Him,
and the One who sent Him.
For the spirit is a strong Guidance.
You shall believe in your days to come
that this is to be true:
"You will turn your backs in hate, with hate.
For my followers have failed to connect,"
says the Lord,
"But be sure,
I will raise up this new generation of radicals,
to which you have never seen.
Those who will love and understand,
as I do.
Think and Praise,
as I do.
Be one with Me, as I am with you.
Be with you all of My days
as I am with you,
forever and ever Amen."
The King is with you in Spirit,
Believe.
Holy is the name of God,
Greatness abounds in He that carries this name.
King of Kings & Lord of Lords.
To the highest honor we praise.
Sacrifice our worship in times of need,
to praise the Holy One of Israel.
For You are Holy in power and righteousness,
lift your name on high oh God.
Your sons & daughters salute you,
with a holy kiss, I bow to Your thrown.
In the Heaven's and the Earth,
I see Your Glory filled masterpiece.
Through He it was created.
I shall pray this prayer.
No longer for He is forsaken,
placed on the highest of high.
The One and Only,
Jesus.
The beginning of all that is, was and were to come.
Before Him,
with honor, pride and humility,
That He is our King.
Among men He was nothing,
but a prophet and a pauper.
A King of Kings shackled to a cross,
to die a death no one had seen before.
Nor shall they ever see again.
For He was among many,
Bore the sins of the world,
and in each strike of the reed
He called out your name.
"Jezebel" He cries
"Your hearts have forsaken Me,
You turned your backs to Me,
as if I never existed.
But I do exist, both here and now,
before your eyes you have seen,
the miracles on a day to day basis.
It is I who created the light
that shines in you.
It is I that fueled the strength.
The power to overcome."
Both Heaven and Earth bow down at your thrown
and cry out "Holy is the Lord."
You came to the cross in wicked hand.
By our feet you were thrown.
We trampled You.
We spit on You.
In a trashcan sort of way,
we tossed You aside.
Forgive us Lord.
For we know not what we do.
For we have been mislead
by those before us.
Nurture our souls Jesus
and forgive us,
our Faith is weak,
and we do not know fully Your name.
You are the King on the thrown.
You are the Savior on most high,
and the One we are to adore.
Believe in us,
we need You.
Now more than ever.
A King to take His thrown
and lead the new army of believers.
The King of Kings is returning.
To claim His Crown
from the one who stole it.
In words and actions,
he seized his opportunity
and perverted the minds of the pure.
The self righteous have remained kings
in the land of false rulers.
Those who need not, less they have not.
Kings who sit on thrones of money
and garbage.
Thieves and Criminals
He is returning
Crooks and Crooked Ones
He is returning
Rejoice Jerusalem
and all of it's followers,
For your King is returning.
He is coming to make you whole,
Second nature to none.
He will make your pathways straight
and narrow is the road to find Him.
Believe in Him,
and the One who sent Him.
For the spirit is a strong Guidance.
You shall believe in your days to come
that this is to be true:
"You will turn your backs in hate, with hate.
For my followers have failed to connect,"
says the Lord,
"But be sure,
I will raise up this new generation of radicals,
to which you have never seen.
Those who will love and understand,
as I do.
Think and Praise,
as I do.
Be one with Me, as I am with you.
Be with you all of My days
as I am with you,
forever and ever Amen."
The King is with you in Spirit,
Believe.
7.08.2012
Maranatha
It's an amazing path in which we all have set our feet on. The indestructible design we call Earth. Mother Earth to some. But for most she is merely a planet to which we feed our starving hearts and lungs everyday. Fed with the blood soaked soils of our past transgressions, heaped in piles among each other. We see the error of our ways and we walk blindly aside them, with no recollection of the damage we have done. We breath in the smoke of our forefathers and describe it as healthy. A new tradition.
A false priesthood has been set in place. Now a panel of judges has risen up among all of you. All of us. We proclaim the name of Jesus in our hearts and in our lungs. But the majority stand idly by, with their hands in their pockets and their fingers in the air. Hallelujah is once said in the perverse manor of church praise to a message that satisfies the sole. The sole of what I ask? Of Man? Neh! It satisfies the root of evil. The self declaration of the gospels of so and so, and the evil that is spewed in them. The self centered hallelujah that echos out the chest of the man with no problems in the world because "Jesus has taken care of them." Or so he thinks. He sits mighty on his pedestal in the kingdom of money, fame and power. He is known among his peers as hatred. One that perks up when the higher ups come around and yields a knife as they pass.
The hatred among the saints in the church can be counted as indescribable. A number so rich and heavy, and laden with sin, that no mere mortal could ever bear the weight of its selfishness and greed. The presumption that all take on one, and not one took on all. The mistakes of man, to think that we can make a difference all by our self, and without assistance of a supernatural beings. Someone who has spanned time, and glory has been set in his hands. He is justified in every action and reaction that takes place. He is the one, and the only, that will ever stand at the top. His name is Jesus.
A man of men, a soldier of God. The one on the front line from the beginning of time, He loved us so much, He came to live among us, and then die! Only to show us that we will live again with Him through His Resurrection from the grave, if we choose.
Be set on your own errors and ways, and live for yourself. You evildoers do no good to the planet. You rape, pillage and plunder it all for your own glory, and the self glorification of the god you call yourself. Human man has no place in heaven if all he thinks of is what he needs most in life. What we need most in life is Jesus. The One and only. The proclamation has been set, and the invitations have been giving. The story has been told again and again and all of those who hear it will be forever changed. Because it is in that moment of desperation and loneliness that you need to grasp on to something. And the wicked ways on the world will not satisfy forever. Only the right hand of the Holy One will do. So reach out and grab Him.
You live among yourselves preaching the gospels of righteousness yet you show no example of it. You lie, cheat and steal from others. You proclaim faith in the Holy One of God, yet you speak as if you never met Him. Because you never have! You sacrifice nothing.
For nothing is sacred to you, not even your life!
From the beginning the only thing man cared about was himself. Even in the beginning when he walked side by side with the Lord. He was alone. No one forgave him for his sins because there was no sin. It did not exist yet. But then the fall came and all was forgiven, but was left with a curse. Til this day there has been but one way to lift this curse.
The Resurrection of Christ.
But no one believes in it. In a culture so soaked in self image and me purpose, how do you teach one to be submissive and take on the attitude of a servant. One who does the work of other or for others with hopes that he may win someone over. To proclaim the gospels, and to see the hearts of many change. Be one with his creator in a relationship that will never die. Ever.
Til the end comes, you will see the terrified rise up in the middle of the lame, and those laden with sin will be all around them. They do not know their sins, for no one has told them the error of their ways. So preach the good news and spread the word. For He is coming soon and there will be no way out. There will come a day when the hearts of many will change so rapidly there will be no keeping up with it. Like the sound of rushing waves, you will here the Son of Man return and capture the hearts of many.
Only to be judged once more, shall you return to the error of your previous ways. Be still and wait on God to come. Be alert and open your heart to His image. And clean your eyes, for they are the window of your soul, and unless you see Jesus coming in the distance at that time, you will lose yourself in the smoke and be amongst the soles who are taken to the underground and cast out of the eternal wonder that will be heaven. Amen.
*Soles is used on purpose instead of Souls. ~ 1 Corinthians 15:25-26
A false priesthood has been set in place. Now a panel of judges has risen up among all of you. All of us. We proclaim the name of Jesus in our hearts and in our lungs. But the majority stand idly by, with their hands in their pockets and their fingers in the air. Hallelujah is once said in the perverse manor of church praise to a message that satisfies the sole. The sole of what I ask? Of Man? Neh! It satisfies the root of evil. The self declaration of the gospels of so and so, and the evil that is spewed in them. The self centered hallelujah that echos out the chest of the man with no problems in the world because "Jesus has taken care of them." Or so he thinks. He sits mighty on his pedestal in the kingdom of money, fame and power. He is known among his peers as hatred. One that perks up when the higher ups come around and yields a knife as they pass.
The hatred among the saints in the church can be counted as indescribable. A number so rich and heavy, and laden with sin, that no mere mortal could ever bear the weight of its selfishness and greed. The presumption that all take on one, and not one took on all. The mistakes of man, to think that we can make a difference all by our self, and without assistance of a supernatural beings. Someone who has spanned time, and glory has been set in his hands. He is justified in every action and reaction that takes place. He is the one, and the only, that will ever stand at the top. His name is Jesus.
A man of men, a soldier of God. The one on the front line from the beginning of time, He loved us so much, He came to live among us, and then die! Only to show us that we will live again with Him through His Resurrection from the grave, if we choose.
Be set on your own errors and ways, and live for yourself. You evildoers do no good to the planet. You rape, pillage and plunder it all for your own glory, and the self glorification of the god you call yourself. Human man has no place in heaven if all he thinks of is what he needs most in life. What we need most in life is Jesus. The One and only. The proclamation has been set, and the invitations have been giving. The story has been told again and again and all of those who hear it will be forever changed. Because it is in that moment of desperation and loneliness that you need to grasp on to something. And the wicked ways on the world will not satisfy forever. Only the right hand of the Holy One will do. So reach out and grab Him.
You live among yourselves preaching the gospels of righteousness yet you show no example of it. You lie, cheat and steal from others. You proclaim faith in the Holy One of God, yet you speak as if you never met Him. Because you never have! You sacrifice nothing.
For nothing is sacred to you, not even your life!
From the beginning the only thing man cared about was himself. Even in the beginning when he walked side by side with the Lord. He was alone. No one forgave him for his sins because there was no sin. It did not exist yet. But then the fall came and all was forgiven, but was left with a curse. Til this day there has been but one way to lift this curse.
The Resurrection of Christ.
But no one believes in it. In a culture so soaked in self image and me purpose, how do you teach one to be submissive and take on the attitude of a servant. One who does the work of other or for others with hopes that he may win someone over. To proclaim the gospels, and to see the hearts of many change. Be one with his creator in a relationship that will never die. Ever.
Til the end comes, you will see the terrified rise up in the middle of the lame, and those laden with sin will be all around them. They do not know their sins, for no one has told them the error of their ways. So preach the good news and spread the word. For He is coming soon and there will be no way out. There will come a day when the hearts of many will change so rapidly there will be no keeping up with it. Like the sound of rushing waves, you will here the Son of Man return and capture the hearts of many.
Only to be judged once more, shall you return to the error of your previous ways. Be still and wait on God to come. Be alert and open your heart to His image. And clean your eyes, for they are the window of your soul, and unless you see Jesus coming in the distance at that time, you will lose yourself in the smoke and be amongst the soles who are taken to the underground and cast out of the eternal wonder that will be heaven. Amen.
*Soles is used on purpose instead of Souls. ~ 1 Corinthians 15:25-26
7.03.2012
Make Me New, Again and Again
My Faith has been getting stirred up. I am in a position of transition now and I am thrown for a loop. I have never committed to anything 100% percent in my life. It wasn't until recently, and I mean maybe 1 and a half years recently, that I have been adjusting that. And on the front line I am trying to place my commitment to my faith in Jesus.
I look at my life until this point sometimes and realize the majority of it was me walking paths that I thought were fit. I chased things that made me comfortable, or things that helped me fit in. My job has been guided by social acceptance for almost 6 years. Last year I came to this understanding. My whole outlook at what I do and why I do it has changed a lot. My relationships with woman were never up to any standard. They were more like whatever it is that is between friends and a relationship without calling it anything. I had the desire to want them, the desire to love them. But my actions never matched on a consistent level.
Somewhere around 8 or 9 years ago, while I was living in the south, I came to find myself headed into the church. Not by my personal decision of wanting to be there. I was more or less going there because the person I was with wanted to go with their family so I joined. Little did I know the works that were about to be done in me. Fast forward this scene about 6-8 months or so, of steady attendance, and listening, and you find me standing up in front of the church body with a fair amount of others, crying my eyes out and not knowing why. I wasn't really thinking of anything except that I wanted change, and I needed it, and the offer was set there for me to accept it. So I did. I let my voice be moved by whatever it was that was inside me and not be moved from my brains stand point. I accepted Jesus and His sacrifice for me.
But I cannot say that was the ultimate change around. Although I accepted my new renewed way of living. I had to educate myself on it. I never grew up in a church. Nor did I care to before that point. So for the next 4 years it was an up and down and back and forth process of studying and understanding and trying to figure out what it was I needed too do. Through it all, I still, NEVER gave in 100%. I studied on my time, I prayed on my time, I thanked him on my time. Half hearted, and half witted. Ignorance at best.
I ran through a 2 year backslide after that. I slowly became an alcoholic again, and a womanizer, and an all around jerk. In the beginning of my downfall, it was hard inside. The guilt of knowing what I was doing was not what was expected of me was hard. Physically sickening. Seriously. But as I pushed away from Jesus and more to what I wanted to do too fit in, it got easier you could say. At least it seemed that way.
Then I met someone, who like me, was on her way out of a sort of relationship and just doing whatever. We talked here and there online. Then our online turned to phone calls. Then in no time we had met in person, spent some time together and decided, Let's move in, move away, and start something new. So we did. We packed up, found a place, moved in. Had a lil boy, started some businesses, and aimed to create a family atmosphere to surround ourselves in. And for the most part, it was working.
All of this time, minus a few conversations here and there, my Faith was remotely stagnant. I would talk about it when prompted but never really was moved too. Never really prayed. Never read or studied. Never really did much but chase what I thought I needed to survive and succeed. I had some awesome opportunities open at times when I was in position to rise up. I was given a lot of responsibly both at work and at home, and I failed. Terribly. I made great money, I was able to buy whatever we needed almost whenever. We were for the most part doing well. Then, reality hits.
I based all of my life decisions on what it was I was doing. I never once gave God what is due to Him. I was not living a life that matched my testimony, let alone matched what it is that is expected of me.
Fast forward through the failures that almost destroyed EVERYTHING. As well as the recovery process. (Read about that HERE .) I find myself standing side by side with this wonderfully strong woman! She has been so much support and love for me. I have a son who is so awesome I cannot even write it all down. I have two successful businesses we both run. I have a family that rolls almost 100 deep, and I can count on them just about anytime I would need them as they would need me. My personal business and arts are slowly dragging its way out of the mud. Our network is building as are our connections. And all of this is absolutely related to my God.
8 years ago or so, I left my old self on an alter in Georgia, and I told Jesus I wanted the life He had for me, and I was going to do my best to live for Him from that day on. Guess what, I lied! I didn't know I lied, but I understand that now. And it may not have so much been a lie, as it may have been and weak promise. Today, I am more free feeling than I have been ever. I have found some professional council that helps me both with addictive habits as well as faith based truths and life. I re-declared to God in front of a family of close to 500 plus, that I would live for Him, on the day I was Baptized. I was also blessed to share that moment with the woman I love! I love reading His scriptures. I love learning more about the awesome things He has done for us throughout time. I am now learning to commit to the things He has given me, instead of figuring out what I believe is best, and running with that.
I look back sometimes and see a lot of the opportunity in my life where I could have made the decision to choose Him over me, and so much more Life would have taken place. I see now, He has blessed me so much. Everything I have that I love is because of Him. And I do not deserve any of it. I have been terrible at portraying the person He expects me to be.
The name Jesus has power. Say it anywhere and someone will react. May be bad, may be good, sometimes it's indifferent. So repeat it. Just the name, JESUS. There is power in it because that was the design. One name, to rule, above all other names ever thought of, or created. Say any name there is in a crowd, and none of them will ever compare to the reactive power of Jesus.
I accepted Him, and His love for me because I was out of options. I thought I controlled my environments, I controlled my lifeline, I controlled my outcomes. In reality, the only thing I control is my decision. And if I am fully committed to this Faith, to this Life, that decision should already be made every time. I choose Him. We are not an accident. We are not born of monkeys. We are not evolution fish. We are creatures that are designed specifically, and formed by an Artist. This world, is not an accident. It didn't just happen. It is not an finite number of happy accidents. Everything around us is designed individually, and designed to work together. It doesn't just happen.
Look around. Take things apart. Look deeper than the surface and see. This world was created for us. And all we have done since is destroy it. Ignore the designer. Tell Him that we have a better plan. Then we live selfishly, and with greed. And we destroy.
That is not what He is about. That is no what I am about. Because He lives through me, every time I surrender myself and my agenda. That is the hardest part. Surrender . . . But when you finally understand Love and Grace, and how it works, You chase it, and do your best to give into it always. So that we may be forever connected, and He can be seen through us.
My Faith is being stirred up, because I asked Jesus to guide me, and to teach me to be fearless, and in that awakening, my body fights back. But I have to press on, and aim for 100% always, so that His love can be seen, heard, felt and experienced by everyone, everywhere, forever. AMEN.
I look at my life until this point sometimes and realize the majority of it was me walking paths that I thought were fit. I chased things that made me comfortable, or things that helped me fit in. My job has been guided by social acceptance for almost 6 years. Last year I came to this understanding. My whole outlook at what I do and why I do it has changed a lot. My relationships with woman were never up to any standard. They were more like whatever it is that is between friends and a relationship without calling it anything. I had the desire to want them, the desire to love them. But my actions never matched on a consistent level.
Somewhere around 8 or 9 years ago, while I was living in the south, I came to find myself headed into the church. Not by my personal decision of wanting to be there. I was more or less going there because the person I was with wanted to go with their family so I joined. Little did I know the works that were about to be done in me. Fast forward this scene about 6-8 months or so, of steady attendance, and listening, and you find me standing up in front of the church body with a fair amount of others, crying my eyes out and not knowing why. I wasn't really thinking of anything except that I wanted change, and I needed it, and the offer was set there for me to accept it. So I did. I let my voice be moved by whatever it was that was inside me and not be moved from my brains stand point. I accepted Jesus and His sacrifice for me.
But I cannot say that was the ultimate change around. Although I accepted my new renewed way of living. I had to educate myself on it. I never grew up in a church. Nor did I care to before that point. So for the next 4 years it was an up and down and back and forth process of studying and understanding and trying to figure out what it was I needed too do. Through it all, I still, NEVER gave in 100%. I studied on my time, I prayed on my time, I thanked him on my time. Half hearted, and half witted. Ignorance at best.
I ran through a 2 year backslide after that. I slowly became an alcoholic again, and a womanizer, and an all around jerk. In the beginning of my downfall, it was hard inside. The guilt of knowing what I was doing was not what was expected of me was hard. Physically sickening. Seriously. But as I pushed away from Jesus and more to what I wanted to do too fit in, it got easier you could say. At least it seemed that way.
Then I met someone, who like me, was on her way out of a sort of relationship and just doing whatever. We talked here and there online. Then our online turned to phone calls. Then in no time we had met in person, spent some time together and decided, Let's move in, move away, and start something new. So we did. We packed up, found a place, moved in. Had a lil boy, started some businesses, and aimed to create a family atmosphere to surround ourselves in. And for the most part, it was working.
All of this time, minus a few conversations here and there, my Faith was remotely stagnant. I would talk about it when prompted but never really was moved too. Never really prayed. Never read or studied. Never really did much but chase what I thought I needed to survive and succeed. I had some awesome opportunities open at times when I was in position to rise up. I was given a lot of responsibly both at work and at home, and I failed. Terribly. I made great money, I was able to buy whatever we needed almost whenever. We were for the most part doing well. Then, reality hits.
I based all of my life decisions on what it was I was doing. I never once gave God what is due to Him. I was not living a life that matched my testimony, let alone matched what it is that is expected of me.
Fast forward through the failures that almost destroyed EVERYTHING. As well as the recovery process. (Read about that HERE .) I find myself standing side by side with this wonderfully strong woman! She has been so much support and love for me. I have a son who is so awesome I cannot even write it all down. I have two successful businesses we both run. I have a family that rolls almost 100 deep, and I can count on them just about anytime I would need them as they would need me. My personal business and arts are slowly dragging its way out of the mud. Our network is building as are our connections. And all of this is absolutely related to my God.
8 years ago or so, I left my old self on an alter in Georgia, and I told Jesus I wanted the life He had for me, and I was going to do my best to live for Him from that day on. Guess what, I lied! I didn't know I lied, but I understand that now. And it may not have so much been a lie, as it may have been and weak promise. Today, I am more free feeling than I have been ever. I have found some professional council that helps me both with addictive habits as well as faith based truths and life. I re-declared to God in front of a family of close to 500 plus, that I would live for Him, on the day I was Baptized. I was also blessed to share that moment with the woman I love! I love reading His scriptures. I love learning more about the awesome things He has done for us throughout time. I am now learning to commit to the things He has given me, instead of figuring out what I believe is best, and running with that.
I look back sometimes and see a lot of the opportunity in my life where I could have made the decision to choose Him over me, and so much more Life would have taken place. I see now, He has blessed me so much. Everything I have that I love is because of Him. And I do not deserve any of it. I have been terrible at portraying the person He expects me to be.
The name Jesus has power. Say it anywhere and someone will react. May be bad, may be good, sometimes it's indifferent. So repeat it. Just the name, JESUS. There is power in it because that was the design. One name, to rule, above all other names ever thought of, or created. Say any name there is in a crowd, and none of them will ever compare to the reactive power of Jesus.
I accepted Him, and His love for me because I was out of options. I thought I controlled my environments, I controlled my lifeline, I controlled my outcomes. In reality, the only thing I control is my decision. And if I am fully committed to this Faith, to this Life, that decision should already be made every time. I choose Him. We are not an accident. We are not born of monkeys. We are not evolution fish. We are creatures that are designed specifically, and formed by an Artist. This world, is not an accident. It didn't just happen. It is not an finite number of happy accidents. Everything around us is designed individually, and designed to work together. It doesn't just happen.
Look around. Take things apart. Look deeper than the surface and see. This world was created for us. And all we have done since is destroy it. Ignore the designer. Tell Him that we have a better plan. Then we live selfishly, and with greed. And we destroy.
That is not what He is about. That is no what I am about. Because He lives through me, every time I surrender myself and my agenda. That is the hardest part. Surrender . . . But when you finally understand Love and Grace, and how it works, You chase it, and do your best to give into it always. So that we may be forever connected, and He can be seen through us.
My Faith is being stirred up, because I asked Jesus to guide me, and to teach me to be fearless, and in that awakening, my body fights back. But I have to press on, and aim for 100% always, so that His love can be seen, heard, felt and experienced by everyone, everywhere, forever. AMEN.
6.05.2012
If so, you will find yourself fighting God
Shortly after Jesus was put to death by the Roman's via request of the Religious Jews and Leaders, The Apostles connected with the Spirit that was to come. They began to tell the story of the One who came to set them free, and how it was done. They spoke with fire and truth. They were Fearless!
Just as much as they spoke, they were persecuted. Sometimes to the point of death, or close too it. Many times, they were ordered to "Discontinue, shut up, go away, face imprisonment or severe discipline." And yet they marched on, and did as they were commissioned by the Spirit of Truth.
One of my favorite accounts of such things appears in the book of Acts. It is a vivid reminder to me, and for my family. No matter how down we get about the things that are coming against us, or being thrown in our way, We together, as well as individually, must focus our attention to Him first. Then, stay the path He set before us. Continue our mission, and only change when prompted. In doing so, we face all the opposition and defense from the enemies, as well as those who take no form of Salvation. But instead take their faith in themselves and themselves only. Calling us out as, 'Stupid', 'Weak', and things the like.
The passage comes from The Book of Acts. Ch.5 (v.27-39)
Summarized; Some of the Apostles, lead by (Simon) Peter, were found back in the temple courts preaching the name of Jesus Christ, immediately after they were freed from prison by the Lord. They were then taken in front of the Sanhedrin to be disciplined, and asked to give an account of their actions, then they were scolded and questioned, "We gave you strict order to never preach that Name here anymore, and yet, you continue to fill the area with the teachings of this Name. Are you trying to hold us accountable for this Man's Blood?"
To which Peter replies; " We MUST obey God over man. You had Jesus murdered and put to death on a cross, but yet the God of all, raised Him from the dead, and gave Him glory, and put Him to His right hand as Prince and Savior, with hopes of bringing Israel to repentance and forgiveness of their sins. We (the apostles) were witnesses to this, as was the Holy Spirit, that God gives to all of those who obey Him."
It was not too long after these words escaped Peter's mouth, that all of those who were in range that heard him became furious. Instantly wanting to put them to death. But before anyone could act on these emotions, a well respected and honored man in the courts, and a teacher of the laws stood and addressed all of those in the room. He asked that Peter and his men be placed outside the room. Then he addressed the Sanhedrin;
"Men of Israel, be careful about what you plan to do to these men. A while back, a man name Theadus rose up to a position of attention, claiming to be someone of importance. Then close to four hundred men rallied against him and killed him. His followers scattered. Then again, a man named Judas rose up during the days of census. He lead a revolt only to be killed as well, and all of his followers scattered."
*Now at this time I would guess that he had the full attention of the Sanhedrin. He continues;
"I give you this advice about these men, Let them go. Leave them alone. If what they are doing is based on human origin, their activities will fail and they will be destroyed. BUT, if what these men are doing is in fact from God, you will not be able to stop them. And in your attempts to do so, you will only find yourself in a fight with God."
Now this is where I celebrate in my Spirit. Because I know that if I surrender to His plans for my life. If I stop trying to make things happen on my own, and allow myself to be used as He see fit, and let Him lead the way, or follow Him where He takes me, I will not be stopped. We will not be stopped. He will not be stopped. No matter how hard you try. Less I give up, or give in to any other way, His way in my life will ALWAYS go on.
Now this does not come with freedom of being un-touched or un-threatened. Shortly after being addressed by this teacher of the law, the Sanhedrin had Peter and the others brought back into the room. They gave them the same strict orders to; "Leave here, and Never speak about Jesus anywhere near here again." Then, they proceeded to beat them severely to get their point across.
This is where some who struggle would give up, and say it's not worth it. I pray that I may one day have the Faith and Joy in Jesus as these Apostles did. They immediately left the room after being beaten, and they began Rejoicing, and Singing because they had been counted worthy enough to suffer disgrace for His name. And in doing so, THEY CONTINUED TO SPEAK HIS NAME. They continued to preach the good news, and follow the path they were given. Never once considering the threats of the higher authority of man.
So every time I feel like the walls are collapsing around me and my life. I try to step back and pray. I ask Jesus to forgive me, and give me strength for my struggle, and to show me the path He has me on, and the direction He would have me go. Remind me that what I am doing and what I am pursuing is in fact what HE has me chasing.
If what you are doing in your life is based on the gifts that were given to you, check yourself real quick. Are you using these gifts for good purpose? Or are you using them for selfish capital? (This does not mean making a living with your gifts is bad. This means consuming all you make for yourself only) Is what you are doing with your gifts advancing the movement of the Body? Or are you not using your gifts at all? If you are in fact using them, and allowing them to minister to others; If you are on a mission that is God ordained, Keep going. Stay strong. Keep your faith! You may have to suffer through the attacks, the verbal assault, the humiliation, disrespect and hate. But only because He was hated first. And is still hated today. We represent Him. We are His weapons and His tools against the darkness that is ever growing. His plan is to rescue those who are looking for a way out of the darkness. Those who see the Light on the pathway, and Believe.
I have experienced some major grace and favor over the passed year. I try to praise God for being so Awesome to me and my Family. We felt surrounded at times, by enemies and people who were set on destroying us, and our lives. But He protected us, and showed us the way through. He aloud us to see the path, and motivated us to keep going. And although we did not come out unscathed, we came out alive, and better than when we went in. It is so refreshing to know that all we are, and have been going through , He has never left us. Even in the times I didn't feel like He was around, He was. He was Silent. And watching. Making sure that we give the glory to Him, and seek His way, and not our own. Glory to God. I am Forever in debt. Amen.
Just as much as they spoke, they were persecuted. Sometimes to the point of death, or close too it. Many times, they were ordered to "Discontinue, shut up, go away, face imprisonment or severe discipline." And yet they marched on, and did as they were commissioned by the Spirit of Truth.
One of my favorite accounts of such things appears in the book of Acts. It is a vivid reminder to me, and for my family. No matter how down we get about the things that are coming against us, or being thrown in our way, We together, as well as individually, must focus our attention to Him first. Then, stay the path He set before us. Continue our mission, and only change when prompted. In doing so, we face all the opposition and defense from the enemies, as well as those who take no form of Salvation. But instead take their faith in themselves and themselves only. Calling us out as, 'Stupid', 'Weak', and things the like.
The passage comes from The Book of Acts. Ch.5 (v.27-39)
Summarized; Some of the Apostles, lead by (Simon) Peter, were found back in the temple courts preaching the name of Jesus Christ, immediately after they were freed from prison by the Lord. They were then taken in front of the Sanhedrin to be disciplined, and asked to give an account of their actions, then they were scolded and questioned, "We gave you strict order to never preach that Name here anymore, and yet, you continue to fill the area with the teachings of this Name. Are you trying to hold us accountable for this Man's Blood?"
To which Peter replies; " We MUST obey God over man. You had Jesus murdered and put to death on a cross, but yet the God of all, raised Him from the dead, and gave Him glory, and put Him to His right hand as Prince and Savior, with hopes of bringing Israel to repentance and forgiveness of their sins. We (the apostles) were witnesses to this, as was the Holy Spirit, that God gives to all of those who obey Him."
It was not too long after these words escaped Peter's mouth, that all of those who were in range that heard him became furious. Instantly wanting to put them to death. But before anyone could act on these emotions, a well respected and honored man in the courts, and a teacher of the laws stood and addressed all of those in the room. He asked that Peter and his men be placed outside the room. Then he addressed the Sanhedrin;
"Men of Israel, be careful about what you plan to do to these men. A while back, a man name Theadus rose up to a position of attention, claiming to be someone of importance. Then close to four hundred men rallied against him and killed him. His followers scattered. Then again, a man named Judas rose up during the days of census. He lead a revolt only to be killed as well, and all of his followers scattered."
*Now at this time I would guess that he had the full attention of the Sanhedrin. He continues;
"I give you this advice about these men, Let them go. Leave them alone. If what they are doing is based on human origin, their activities will fail and they will be destroyed. BUT, if what these men are doing is in fact from God, you will not be able to stop them. And in your attempts to do so, you will only find yourself in a fight with God."
Now this is where I celebrate in my Spirit. Because I know that if I surrender to His plans for my life. If I stop trying to make things happen on my own, and allow myself to be used as He see fit, and let Him lead the way, or follow Him where He takes me, I will not be stopped. We will not be stopped. He will not be stopped. No matter how hard you try. Less I give up, or give in to any other way, His way in my life will ALWAYS go on.
Now this does not come with freedom of being un-touched or un-threatened. Shortly after being addressed by this teacher of the law, the Sanhedrin had Peter and the others brought back into the room. They gave them the same strict orders to; "Leave here, and Never speak about Jesus anywhere near here again." Then, they proceeded to beat them severely to get their point across.
This is where some who struggle would give up, and say it's not worth it. I pray that I may one day have the Faith and Joy in Jesus as these Apostles did. They immediately left the room after being beaten, and they began Rejoicing, and Singing because they had been counted worthy enough to suffer disgrace for His name. And in doing so, THEY CONTINUED TO SPEAK HIS NAME. They continued to preach the good news, and follow the path they were given. Never once considering the threats of the higher authority of man.
So every time I feel like the walls are collapsing around me and my life. I try to step back and pray. I ask Jesus to forgive me, and give me strength for my struggle, and to show me the path He has me on, and the direction He would have me go. Remind me that what I am doing and what I am pursuing is in fact what HE has me chasing.
If what you are doing in your life is based on the gifts that were given to you, check yourself real quick. Are you using these gifts for good purpose? Or are you using them for selfish capital? (This does not mean making a living with your gifts is bad. This means consuming all you make for yourself only) Is what you are doing with your gifts advancing the movement of the Body? Or are you not using your gifts at all? If you are in fact using them, and allowing them to minister to others; If you are on a mission that is God ordained, Keep going. Stay strong. Keep your faith! You may have to suffer through the attacks, the verbal assault, the humiliation, disrespect and hate. But only because He was hated first. And is still hated today. We represent Him. We are His weapons and His tools against the darkness that is ever growing. His plan is to rescue those who are looking for a way out of the darkness. Those who see the Light on the pathway, and Believe.
I have experienced some major grace and favor over the passed year. I try to praise God for being so Awesome to me and my Family. We felt surrounded at times, by enemies and people who were set on destroying us, and our lives. But He protected us, and showed us the way through. He aloud us to see the path, and motivated us to keep going. And although we did not come out unscathed, we came out alive, and better than when we went in. It is so refreshing to know that all we are, and have been going through , He has never left us. Even in the times I didn't feel like He was around, He was. He was Silent. And watching. Making sure that we give the glory to Him, and seek His way, and not our own. Glory to God. I am Forever in debt. Amen.
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